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When Life Gives you Xanax, Take It!

October 29, 2009

Oh Carolyn. I love you, too! But you know, in a way that doesn’t make me want to make out with you, or anything. More like a way where I think we should hang out together and laugh our asses off. Except now that will never happen because I mentioned not making out and got you all worried that the thought did cross my mind that maybe, just maybe…

Beth. I was so happy to have another dose of Xanax available for class today. Me and a microphone without Xanax equals bright red ears and matching red cheeks. And perhaps urinary incontinence. Me and a microphone with Xanax equals total fun in the front of the classroom. Except the part where I had difficulty reading the sheet of paper the teacher had given to me because of my damn bifocals and inability to read with them on, or off. I’m going to have to get a pair of those damn Carrie Donovan glasses. 


I say that if there is a god and he didn’t want me to use the Xanax, he wouldn’t have come up with somebody smart enough to invent the wonder drug. If there’s a god and I get to meet him or her one day, I’ll make sure to say Thanks for the Xanax!

Hey! Did I tell you guys that after searching for decades, I finally found a bra that fits me perfectly? It’s the same damn bra I’ve been wearing for over two years now and I just decided to order it in a different size, thinking maybe, just maybe, the cup wouldn’t be pouchy, with lots of air space, when I’m taking a  nap? And lordy, it’s important that my cup not have pouchy spots when I’m napping!  So I ordered the same damn bra in a cup size smaller and there you go, upright fit, nap fit.

My world just gets better every day!

Oh. Hey. I got an A- in a written test for Word Processing this week. A test I walked away from, strongly knowing the answers to only 4 out of 30 questions. The other 26? I guessed at the multiple choice options. Totally guessed. So imagine my surprise, yet again, to get an A-. I think the Secretarial School Gods are on my side. They know that I’m born to be a secretary. Or at the very least, a Clerk Typist I, or gal from the steno pool.

And? The school cafeteria has a great turkey burger.

I love Secretarial School!

p.s. Head on over to Books & Snacks if you want a say in November’s book!

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