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The Lump: Part 5 Now with Lemon Meringue Pie!

January 20, 2010

Today I used the lump as an excuse to buy a lemon meringue pie.

I do not hate this lump as much as I did yesterday. Because yesterday I did not have a lemon meringue pie.

Today I decided that the lump is a zit. With a little hat.

Also? The lemon meringue pie was only $4.99. So even if I didn’t use the lump as an excuse to buy the pie, I would have anyway.

I really like lemon meringue pie.

I still hate the lump.


I picked up my brand spanking new CPAP machine today. Oh people, I am in love and I haven’t even slept with it yet.

It’s so cool.

It’s a new model. Just came out two months ago. So it’s got all sorts of cool. And it’s completely silent. Which is kind of disappointing to me because I like white noise and I was hoping to turn off the fan I oftentimes use. It’s cold in Minnesota in the winter. And when you have to sometimes use a fan to block out the noise of other people in the house, it can get colder.

I got a mask with just the bits that go a bit into my nostrils. And it’s a new-fangled headset that’s designed specifically for the ladies. It looks sporty and it’s got these “mittens” that go over the face straps so I won’t get lines on my face from it. I could get my maw-in-law to make a headgear mittens pattern and get all sorts of strap covers. Sexy ones for the hotel nights. And that sporty look is so very important because I like to look sporty while I’m sleeping with headgear.

I just know the CPAP  going to solve all of my problems. My borderline high blood pressure.  My borderline diabetes. My borderline depression. My way over the top anxieties. My sleepy problems. My son’s drug addiction. My lump. My mother.

Unless I can’t sleep with it one.

But if I can’t sleep tonight, I’ve got lemon meringue pie!

15 Comments leave one →
  1. Mia Farrow permalink
    January 20, 2010 9:48 pm

    I have a great sound machine that I bought at Body and Bath. Nice white noise.

    • January 20, 2010 9:54 pm

      I bought one a while back, too. Unfortunately, I noticed the “loop” in all of the sounds (where it ends and where it begins) so now it’s no longer white noise to me. God. I am hopeless! I hope I didn’t ruin yours for you!!!

      • Jenn permalink
        January 21, 2010 2:00 am

        how about a small fan on your nightstand? I used to listen to the radio after CDs (like you) didn’t work anymore. But that was too much noise for Nick so she has a 7″ personal fan on the nightstand. Not enough to blow too much cold air but enough to drown out city life…

  2. January 20, 2010 10:30 pm

    I can guarantee you that if I had a lump, even a hatless one, I would immediately put my hands on as many pies as I could find. An excellent choice.

  3. January 20, 2010 10:36 pm

    Make sure we get to see a photo of you and your machine.
    My Scott has one — it’s his second, this time with the nose things– the first had an actual mask and made breathing noise — I used to call him Darth Vader when he had it on. Had to tell him I thought Darth Vader was sexy, because he worried the mask might be a turnoff.

  4. January 21, 2010 12:28 am

    My brother has a CPAP machine and also uses white noise to sleep. He couldn’t find a good noise machine that cost less than $300 so he bought an AM/FM radio and tuned the AM to an in-between station. The white noise was perfect and it only cost him about $12. Just in case you need to know that.

  5. Jenn permalink
    January 21, 2010 1:58 am

    So I haven’t had a lot to say because I didn’t know what to say. Just know I am here (better than not) and I’m thinking about you.

  6. January 21, 2010 6:57 am

    Lemon meringue pie is also one of my comfort foods! And lemon cake. And lemon bars. And orange cake. And chocolate cream pie. And chocolate cake. Hmmm…I’m seeing a pattern here. I sleep with a fan on for white noise too. Yes, my husband sleeps with an extra blanket on his side of the bed because he’s so cold…but I can’t seem to get to sleep without it. {{HUGS}}

  7. January 21, 2010 10:21 am

    Co-worker Blonde Woman just bought a machine at Target for $25. Ocean, rain, waterfall… She said it’s fabulous for $25. And one should Never pass up a $5 lemon meringue pie. Ever. We did chocolate fondue last night. I can’t imagine that would be a bad idea for you, either. 😉

  8. January 21, 2010 11:07 am

    My husband has to get one of those machines….the snoring OY!

    Crossing my fingers you get good news next week, and I have a feeling it will be good news too.

  9. poolagirl permalink
    January 21, 2010 11:21 am

    Lemon pie can solve all the world’s problems!

  10. January 22, 2010 10:48 pm

    Thinking of you this weekend – eat more pie! Raspberry is also very good and will get you through to Monday.

  11. yaketyyak permalink
    January 24, 2010 8:15 am

    I can’t sleep without my white noise machine!

  12. Paula permalink
    January 24, 2010 11:34 am

    Just had to tell you how much I admire your openness and honesty. It inspires me.

    • January 24, 2010 11:44 am

      Hey Paula – and everybody. Again – THANK YOU! I know that were I not open about this stupid lump, the lump would be huge by now!

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