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Believe it or Not – The Belly!

January 29, 2010

Good gravy, People! You’re organizing a Group Grope in my honor? I thought I was goofy. But I am glad that you’re doing something to take good care of yourselves. I am tickled pink.

My surgery is at 1:00 on Wednesday. Let the groping begin. On Wednesday. Until then, keep your hands to yourself.

Ooh. We should turn it into a Grope Your Neighbor thing. Could be interesting. Share your mugshots, okay?

Somebody (I’m sorry, I’ve had so many comments and e-mails, and not enough time to work out a spreadsheet for them all) said something about me having a theme song, and wouldn’t it be cool if I had a theme song.

I have had a theme song since 1981. Mike Post and Stephen Geyer’s “Believe it or Not”, which became the theme song for the show Greatest American Hero, with that adorable William Katt.

It comes on the radio and I’m yelling, “My theme song!”

Here’s the thing, my maiden name, which was always mispronounced and became my nickname through high school, into college and with my first marriage, rhymes with the lyrics  in the song…”it’s just me.”

I don’t want to share my maiden name with you, but my theme song still works when used with a misheard version of my nickname . A nickname of my nickname that was given to me by my friend CiNDy’s mom after I’d called the family’s house looking for CiNDy. “CiNDy, somebody named The Belly called you,” was the approximate message her mom gave her.

And so, seeing as how I’ll be handing over my breasts next week allowing my belly to be the prominent player on my front side, I share my theme song, with nicknamed nickname, to reflect my soon-to-be silhouette…

Believe it or Not

Look at what’s happened to me,
I can’t believe it myself.
Suddenly I’m up on top of the world,
It should’ve been somebody else.

Believe it or not,
I’m walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free-.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not – THE BELLY!

It’s like a light of a new day-,
It came from out of the blue.
Breaking me out of the spell I was in,
Making all of my wishes come true-.

Believe it or not,
I’m walking on air.
I never thought I could feel so free-.
Flying away on a wing and a prayer.
Who could it be?
Believe it or not – THE BELLY!

And really? Look at those words. It came from out of the blue? It should have been somebody else?

Hell, yes!

However, I can’t ask myself “why me?” because I already know the answer: “why not me?” It just is what it is and I’ll do what I have to do. Could have happened to anyone.

This reminds me of the night back in the fall of 1980, when I got attacked in a parking lot by a guy who wanted to do very bad things to me. Oh! He grabbed my boob, and that’s what saved me…let me back track.

One fall night, right before college was back in session, I was hanging out at a bar with a bunch of friends. My boyfriend (who became my first husband) was up in Minneapolis and I was in Mankato (south of Mpls.) All my male friends had paired up with all my female friends that night, and I got bored, so I asked my friend Maynard for his apartment key.

While walking to Maynard’s apartment, this big & hairy guy was walking toward me. I stepped off from the sidewalk we shared (spidey senses) and went to the center of the parking lot. He walked to the center of the parking lot. I walked back onto the sidewalk. He ran up and grabbed me. Started to drag me behind a dark apartment building. I was silent, trying to stay on my feet while he was pulling me by the neck of my sweatshirt. For cripe’s sake, the only time I didn’t talk and it was a time when I really needed to talk.

He was this growling beast. As we were nearing the side of the building, Gorilla Boy couldn’t wait and he grabbed my breast (I can’t remember, but I bet it was the bad one!) and my instinct took over. I smacked his hand away and yelled, loud enough to startle the both of us, STOP IT! He jumped back, I took off running. He chased me. He was 6’5″ and my little legs weren’t much of a match.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to work my key into Maynard’s lock so I ran for my friend Nacho’s apartment, yelling “Nacho! Nacho!” I could hear the beast gaining ground as I hopped over the hole in the ground I’d known was there for the past couple of years. The Big Rapist Wannabe didn’t know about the hole and stumbled into it. I made it to Nacho’s apartment door which was, thankfully, unlocked. His roommate Carlos was there and after he figured out what I was trying to say (Carlos was from South America, my frantic English was hard for even me to understand)

Carlos locked me safely into the apartment and followed the guy to an apartment in the same complex, half a block over. Thankfully, the guy was caught and plead guilty.

And do you know how I reacted to it all?

Thank god it was me, because my little buddy Karen, left the bar and followed my same path about 15 minutes later. Had it not been me and my mouth, itty bitty Karen would have been raped.

So. What am I trying to say?

I guess it’s better that I’m the one battling breast cancer instead of somebody of lesser fight that it might have struck had it not landed in me?

You’re welcome?

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. dakotagirl permalink
    January 29, 2010 9:50 am

    You are awesome!

  2. January 29, 2010 10:05 am

    You know this cancer thing doesn’t have a chance in hell, right? You’re such a tough thing. 🙂

  3. poolagirl permalink
    January 29, 2010 11:22 am

    That is an amazing story. You are a fighter!

  4. January 29, 2010 12:31 pm

    go go go! gogogo go! kathy i’m following your story and will comment at every entry if it keeps you writing moremoremore. if you need cheering up I can send you my 10month old Jet and if you let her near your bead collection you will have plenty of work to take your mind of things. B’c that’s what she’s just found while I’m sitting here!!

  5. January 29, 2010 1:03 pm

    Okay now that made me smile.

  6. Ruth from SC permalink
    January 29, 2010 2:46 pm

    Hey lump with a hat and any friends who might be lurking around in Kathy’s breasts: YOU ARE SOOO SCREWED!!!! I love the Norma Desmond header….Perfect!!

  7. January 29, 2010 3:21 pm

    Oh hey I didn’t know you already had a theme song! WOO! I still have “We Care A Lot” stuck in my head, however.

    Seriously?? This lump ain’t go NO chance against someone like you. You are amazing, which is just proven again by the story you told. And I love that you pointed out that it was better for you to have had that happen to you than your diminutive friend, since you could fight back better. YOU GO, GIRL.

  8. January 29, 2010 4:08 pm

    Old Lumpy has picked the wrong super-hero to mess with!

  9. January 29, 2010 5:17 pm

    K-lo, I’m sorry, I just came on board here, been away a couple days with own friggin’ assorted tragedies and other unresolved BULLSHIT… (I know you know what I know your know I know…friggin’ KIDS WHO THINK THEY KNOW IT ALL!!!!!…) You go girl, with your Norma Desmond impressions! You be as dramatic and over the top as you wanna be!! Don’t you wish the doctors would write you a prescription for THAT?! Take two Norma Desmond hissyfits and call me in the morning… Love you K, you are my GURL!!

  10. capitolady permalink
    January 29, 2010 6:40 pm

    Group? I want in!

  11. Karen permalink
    January 29, 2010 11:23 pm

    I am on your side against that stupid boob cancer. I’ll help you kick ass if you need me.

  12. yaketyyak permalink
    January 30, 2010 6:34 am

    Wow, what an experience. The breast cancer hasn’t got a chance against someone as strong as you!

  13. January 30, 2010 3:30 pm

    Wow…….just wow. The longer I know you , the more you amaze me.

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