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These Boobs Make Me Look Fat

January 29, 2010

I’ve been running around today. Pre-op appointment with my regular doctor. Then to Target for my Target fix. I thought about looking at cuter, smaller shirts at Target but I figured I should wait and see what size I’ll actually need once the damage is done and the healing is over.

I do know that I want to wear some bright stuff for awhile. I’ve been living in black shirts for way too long. I also know that I plan on buying some really cool and very long silk scarves to accessorize my lack of breasteses. (Hollah! Susan! Greatest Med Term teacher, ever!) AND I’ll be making some really big and chunky necklaces. I haven’t liked wearing necklaces on top of these big boobs of mine, they just make me feel fatter.

There are good things to a bilateral mastectomy (just thought I’d throw in a real med term so poor Susan wouldn’t quit teaching the class) – those old boobs made me look fat.

So I’m driving in my car and I’m wondering, has having breast cancer changed me? It’s only been, what, three days since my diagnosis. Seriously? It feels like I’ve known this forEVER! In three days’ time, I have not changed. And I can prove that by the swear words that came out of my mouth when some old broad was driving 35 mph in a 45 mph zone, smack dab in front of me. As was the old man driving next to her.

I ran into an old acquaintence at Target. She asked me how I was doing and I told her I had breast cancer. She hugged me and was awesome about the bomb I’d just dropped on her. I thought that was so cool of her.

Man, this is going to be a random entry. I’m just in a chatty mood.

I got a message from the breast clinic to call them back, that they had some good news for me. I was kind of hoping that they were going to tell me that I didn’t have breast cancer but that because of their error, they were willing to give me breast reduction surgery. This was not the case. It was good news, my chest x-ray and lab tests showed no signs of cancer any where else. I was just disappointed that they weren’t a bad clinic that made frequent misdiagnoses.

I suppose I should be happy that I’m going to such a great clinic, but still…it would have been nice.

And now, the chatty mood is over. Man, that was quick. I’m tired and going to lay down and watch dvr’ed stuff for awhile.

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16 Comments leave one →
  1. January 29, 2010 4:54 pm

    Well. I guess that since it isn’t a misdiagnosis, it’s good that it’s nowhere else in your chestal region. Or any other region, for that matter.

    I’m impressed with how quickly things are moving for you, but I’m very thankful for it. That way the cancer can’t move or spread, and the surgeons will be able to get all that nastiness out of your body. You don’t need it anyhow.

  2. Jean permalink
    January 29, 2010 4:56 pm

    You can wear those boob-sized necklaces! I have to ask – how did your mom react to this? I’m sure it’s really all about her, some way….?

  3. Gretchen permalink
    January 29, 2010 5:07 pm

    I’m trying to think of good things about being flat-chested since that’s what I’ve always been. The option to go braless is awesome. And you can wear those men’s undershirts (wifebeaters, I hate that term) as a first layer and they’re really, really comfy. V-necks look better on you, unless you really like cleavage.

  4. January 29, 2010 5:25 pm

    In the weeks following the surgery, I wore bigger shirts. Less pressure on the incision, easier to put on and take off. Borrow a couple from your husband.

  5. capitolady permalink
    January 29, 2010 6:38 pm

    You are the funniest chick I have ever met/read/known. You have a great outlook even if it is so very frightening. I am glad it hasn’t spread! Thanks for the excuse for me to have a big tire in the stomach!

    In my prayers Klo

  6. January 29, 2010 6:56 pm

    To this moment, I still think that someone from the clinic, or the surgeon or one of the other oncologists is going to tell me that it was all a big mistake, that there was a mis-diagnosis. Still keeping the prayers going for you, and looking for the patron saint of cake and jewelry. Or maybe pie and jewelry.

  7. Paula permalink
    January 29, 2010 8:17 pm

    I know! Why is it some women (not me) look voluptuous and sexy with big boobs? And my boobs just make me look fat(ter)? And I am going to be really jealous of you in the summer when I’m sweating and threatening to rust my underwires.

  8. January 29, 2010 8:43 pm

    I say we all watch Sunset Boulevard this weekend and shout “Max, Max I’m Rich!”

  9. January 29, 2010 9:36 pm

    I love the new banner. I didn’t realize how good a job Carol Burnett did of imitating her, it’s uncanny!

  10. January 29, 2010 9:36 pm

    as always I’m the behind assclown….and just read everything and got caught up. You amaze me. You are my new hero. I expect you to dawn that giddy’up from the Greatest American Hero. I’m serious too.

  11. January 29, 2010 9:42 pm

    I love that the xray place called and left the message that they had good new for you!! I hate when you’re waiting for results of something and you get a message to call them back and the whole time you’re dialing you’re sweating and dry heaving. At least you knew you were getting some kind of positive info…and yes I agree with you in that I wish it had been a huge mix-up.

    Love your new banner – you are truly a crazy lady!

  12. yaketyyak permalink
    January 30, 2010 6:26 am

    I’m so glad to hear that there are no signs of cancer anywhere else. That IS good news!

  13. Floweer permalink
    January 30, 2010 8:37 am

    I am caught up1 YIKES!!!!!!! Know I am there for you – all of you. Maybe I can use the Flo-Master on Scott for his hair donation to chipmunks???

    I am totally free on Friday – and will do whatever you – or Scott needs done.

    FIGHT LIKE A GIRL!

  14. Lauie permalink
    January 30, 2010 1:09 pm

    Hi Kathy:

    On 9/7/7, at 48, I was diagnosed with triple positive, stage 3, invasive ductal carcinoma. I had 4 cycles of A/C, 35 rounds of radiation, herceptin for a year and now I’m on Tamoxifen for 5 years (another 3). I am hear to tell you that although the journey was tough at times — I am more healthy now than ever. My hair is back and I like it more now than before and as cliche as it sounds — I am a much better person because of the experience. I didn’t have ‘come to Jesus’ moments — but, I appreciate living in the moment so much more than ever before. I always got way too caught up in the stupid minutae before.

    Right now you are completely overwhelmed. All the terminology, names of treatments, medications, etc., are so foreign and you feel like you’ll never understand it — but, I promise you will. The battle against this beastand recovery is all you should concentrate on and is why — when people ask if they can help, let them know that you will be calling on them at some point. Let themhelp Kath — it’s ok. Do not let guilt lead you right now (or ever again!). Also, surround yourself with positive, unconditional, love. You need positive energy, now more than ever.

    You will learn so much about the people around you. Some will disappoint you, but many, many more will surprise you with their kindness.

    Good luck and if you ever need an ear, you have my email address. I would love to hear from you. We are all connected in this sorority of bc survivors, forever.

    Gentle, loving, hugs.

    Laurie

    PS…I am in a rush and have no time to proof this entry. I apologize for all of my typo’s. I hope this makes sense. 🙂

  15. poolagirl permalink
    January 30, 2010 2:04 pm

    You never cease to amaze me. I’ve said it before and I will say it again. You never cease to amaze me. Let me know when you are feeling up to having presents. I want to send you something!

  16. January 30, 2010 2:26 pm

    Trust me. That is TREMENDOUSLY good news!!! And you are going to look so cute with your newly sleek chestal area (see, I took terminology also)

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