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Fight Like a Girl

January 30, 2010

My pal Floweer told me yesterday to fight like a girl!

I like that. I’m going to fight  like a girl.

People keep asking me what they can do for me. Heck if I know. Don’t I have enough trouble figuring out what I can do for me let alone working out their to-do list.

I kid. I know what they’re saying. I’ve been there. Friends and family don’t want to sit around and watch somebody else suffer. They want to keep busy and take as much pain away as possible. So while talking to Floweer yesterday, I’ve decided it’s time to come up with assignments.

And Floweer is officially my Watermelon Girl. I read somewhere that watermelon is a good thing for chemo patients. It’s liquid-providing and it’s not so smelly and it’s not so offensive to a churning stomach.

I’m sure that Floweer thought she got off easy. Nay, dear Floweer. I don’t want seedless watermelon. I want the tastier kind with the seeds in it – with the seeds removed from it. I’m not asking for melon-balled seeded to seedless watermelon. Chunks are fine. We’ll discuss proper chunk size on an as-needed basement. Uh. Basis. Basement? Oh my God! I’m losing my words!!!!

Golly, right there, someone else is suffering right along with me.

Buzz is my official Pho Girl. Vietnamese soup will be put to the test. Can it heal or will we find that chemo patients don’t like the taste of anise and cilantro? So there is a subtitle to Pho Girl. It is Pho Girl: Soup Getter. Also, Buzz? You can be my Crystallized Ginger Girl, okay?

My mother (who has rallied like  nobody’s business…she has been awesome!) is the official Boy Feeder. She doesn’t cook but boy howdy, does my mom love to hit the grocery stores for food to feed others. Her other role is The Queen of Ironing. It’s not like we have lots to iron, but I will be wearing button down shirts for a while and she loves to iron. She’s already been over here, ironing. Go Mom!

My brother is in charge of Movies and all things DVD. He is my AV Boy. Such a dork. I love dorks.

There will be more official assignments to come. If you think you might want an official assignment, you can “apply” (ha!) in the comments section and I’ll have my people call your people.

I am finally willing to read the printed material the breast clinic gave me. I was reading about wigs today. I don’t want a wig. I’m a baseball cap kind of girl. And really, I don’t give a flying poo if I’m bald for awhile. I know that people wear wigs out of concerns for others and I do know how others can react to baldheaded women – but that’s their problem and not mine. I don’t mean to be so disrespectful but really? I’m fighting for my life and I have to worry if somebody is offended by my bald head? I don’t think so, skippy. The only reason I’ll wear something on my head is to keep it warm or to keep the sun off of it.

The pamphlet I read suggested that if a person wears glasses, they find a pair with big frames, to cover where their eyebrows used to be.

Man, that just cracks me up. I’m going to see if I can score a pair of Martin Scorsese glasses, he’s figured out how to hide those eyebrows so this might get people to think I’m hiding Marty Scorsese-sized eyebrows.

Or I might get a pair of red sparkly glasses from Deepak Chopra’s House of Sparkly Glasses!

So many things to think about.

Again, I’m tired. Emotionally exhausted. This all happened so danged fast.

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22 Comments leave one →
  1. Sue permalink
    January 30, 2010 1:37 pm

    Oh man….I don’t cook, I’m not good at laundry, ironing or house work. I can drive, I am great at online shopping, and I like to talk. Now, here’s the famous question, “let me know what I can do with you?” Sue

  2. justwriteit permalink
    January 30, 2010 2:00 pm

    I’ll be a free-lance helper. Count on my support via the mail! Thinking of you ALL THE TIME.

    -Mary

  3. January 30, 2010 2:02 pm

    I am applying for a job! Pick me! Pick me! Also, I am an awesome cook, photographer, and listener.

  4. poolagirl permalink
    January 30, 2010 2:05 pm

    I am applying for the Sending Funny Presents in the Mail job! Me! Me!

  5. Tonia permalink
    January 30, 2010 2:24 pm

    I know it’s scary. I’m 35 and went through chemo most of last year for gastric lymphoma. You never know how you will react to the chemo meds. Not everyone gets all the same side effects. Since I was on steroids, my hunger was in over drive! I actually gained weight during chemo!! The bad part was that the flavor of food was off. It took really salty, spicy, or sweet things for me to taste it. You’ll do great, don’t worry. My motto is : “It is what it is.” Just keep moving forward!

    ps. My infusion center had a massage therapist that came around and gave you foot/hand massages and you could schedule for a 30/60 minute massage during your treatment!! Sweet!

  6. January 30, 2010 2:35 pm

    I can be the official “white noise girl”. I developed a talent when I was a little girl, for blathering on about nonsense. I use it when I/others are stressed out. I just start talking and never shut up. Some find it soothing. I suppose I could make you a mix-tape and just mail it, and you could partake whenever the mood strikes you.

  7. Paula permalink
    January 30, 2010 3:25 pm

    I think you mentioned a couple of posts ago that you would be wearing scarves to detract from your decreased boobage? Relying on your sense of humor, I propose:

    http://tinyurl.com/of5ah8

    Heeeeeeee!!!!

    • January 30, 2010 6:58 pm

      Oh my god Paula that is a scream! hahahahahaha

  8. January 30, 2010 5:10 pm

    Want a New Zealand baseball cap to add to your collection? Baseball caps and scarves will be even better than wigs coz you can mix it up even more without going broke! Tho I still think you need a Britney bright pink fright wig just to annoy people 🙂 Thinking of you! Bels

  9. January 30, 2010 5:35 pm

    Yesterday, I saw a fashionable elderly woman get on my plane in Phoenix wearing red glasses that had one round lens and one square lens. I assure you, no one would notice anything else if you wore those. However, if you insist on emulating Martin Scorsese, I suggest this:
    http://iowntheworld.com/blog/?p=16150

  10. Buzz permalink
    January 30, 2010 5:40 pm

    Pho sure I will be PhoGirl:Soup Getter aka Ginger . But Mr. Buzz will feel left out, so can he be PhoBoy? Once the Little Buzz’z and their mates find our THEY don’t have a job…well, the possibilities are endless.

  11. January 30, 2010 6:57 pm

    I want to be in charge of something. Can I be in charge of sending you ridiculous funny cards and silly letters on weird note paper?

  12. yaketyyak permalink
    January 31, 2010 7:13 am

    The Martin Scorcese glasses/eyebrows thing is too funny! And, hell yes, fight like a girl!

  13. Gretchen permalink
    January 31, 2010 7:36 am

    Can I be in charge of commenting “Hang in there” on every post? I’m not much of a caregiver-type person but I do care and wish I could help keep your spirits up.

  14. Leslie permalink
    January 31, 2010 10:01 am

    I just got back from a week out of the country ( doesn’t that sound way cool to say that?) with no internets … wow, what can happen in the blink of an eye. I am really thinking of you, and I wish there were something, anything I could do to join your go-to crew. Sending very good non-religious thoughts your way, even though it doesn’t seem like enough.

  15. Fay permalink
    January 31, 2010 11:31 am

    Just wanted to say I’m over here rooting for you. 🙂 As soon as I think of a job I can do from Atlanta that isn’t taken, I’ll sign right up!

  16. January 31, 2010 11:49 am

    I’m gonna make the Bits come up with funny stuff for you to keep you laughing. And since Mr. Boo is currently vacuuming the kitchen floor with a hand-vac, I will be sending him over to clean. Apparently, I’m not good at Doing much, but I can organize like nobody’s business.

    What wine goes best with chemo? 😉

    Assign tasks at will!!

    ps–You are So going to be like those boob-job women…what with lifting your shirt and making us check out your lack of boobages and all!

  17. SueH permalink
    January 31, 2010 12:31 pm

    Kathy –
    May I be your hat woman? Maybe I should be your “Knit-chin” girl. I’ve been looking through patterns and came across this FANTASTIC recourse for free hat patterns. Check out this website: http://www.knittingpatterncentral.com/directory/hats.php
    and pick something you like.
    We had about 8″ of snow on Friday, no big deal to you in Minnesota, but in Missouri the world stops. My favorite, well actually, the only yarn shop in town was closed Saturday. The parking lot was plowed, the main streets were clear, and the darn shop was closed…..
    Let me know what you find.
    XO, Your Knit-chin Stitch and Bitch girlfriend

  18. January 31, 2010 12:45 pm

    While you don’t know me, Kathy, I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. 🙂

  19. January 31, 2010 12:45 pm

    K Lo, I talked to my sister – you know the Philly Dragon Boat queen – and she had the EXACT same cancer that you had.

    I live too far away to cook dinners for you, but if you have a long distance job that needs to be done, I’m your girl!

    • January 31, 2010 12:47 pm

      Notice I said you “had”. An intentional typo!

  20. Floweer permalink
    January 31, 2010 2:13 pm

    I am honored with my job. On Demand Watermelon – cut into nice size pieces. I will provide that – and more. Hang in there. I am in this with you. You all are in my heart millions of times throughout the day. I await my marching orders!

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