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Lakewood Cemetery – Knocking At Your Door

February 15, 2010

Of all the telephone solicitation calls I’ve ever received, today’s had to be the worst.

I just got a solicitation call (my caller ID said “Anonymous”  from Lakewood Cemetery, asking me if I’d like them to send me a copy of their brochure.

“Are you kidding me?” I asked the gal, “I was just diagnosed with breast cancer and this is the last call I need!”

“I’m sorry,” she replied.

I called Scott and told him what happened. And then I called Lakewood Cemetery, ended up talking to a guy named “Ron”. Explained my situation to him, and told him that the last thing I needed, after having my breasts cut off, was a phone call from a cemetery. (I might have said “lopped” off – so as to add more dramatic flare to my argument).

He apologized. Claimed they’d been doing this for 60 years.

I argued that it was offensive and I doubt I’m the first person that they ill-timed their solicitation call with.

He claimed they were going to phase it out.

I’m not buying it.

Nor am I ever buying a cemetery plot at Lakewood Cemetery.


Norma Desmond, over and out.

12 Comments leave one →
  1. Angie permalink
    February 15, 2010 2:10 pm

    WTF? Wow. The.words.are.not.coming.out! I am so sorry that you had to endure this crazy-ass marketing method. You will likely look back at this and (hopefully) giggle at the absurdity of it. Hang in there, girl! Life is just weird some days.

    I hope you are feeling better every day!

    Love and best wishes from your not-in-real-life-friend (or whatever the hell they call us readers that you don’t know from Adam!)

    Ps – When I was in high school (West High–no longer in existence) in 1980 or 81, I got stuck at Lakewood Cemetary during a tornado that cut a swath through Lake of the Isles. I was there making out with my boyfriend (weirdo’s!) The tornado blew through and knocked over gravestones, etc. and scared the poop out of us. I have not set foot since. Bad juju, that place.

  2. goatbarnwitch permalink
    February 15, 2010 2:23 pm

    I can’t imagine anything more tacky than making solicitous calls to sell cemetery spaces…. Sheesh, that is just wrong. It is even more wrong that they called you at this moment in time… I’m glad you let them know how craptastic they made you feel with their business promotion.
    Hang in there and enjoy the kind people in your life {{hug}}

  3. February 15, 2010 2:33 pm

    I cannot believe that they actually make cold calls to people! I am very glad that you did the same thing I would have done! Betcha they feel about two inches high right about now. Asshats.

    Oh, and got any turkey leftovers? It sounded so yummy that I was tempted to jump in the car and head over. You are so lucky in your support system!

  4. February 15, 2010 2:51 pm

    That is offensive and possibly illegal. By all means report them to your state’s attorney general.

  5. Floweer permalink
    February 15, 2010 3:19 pm

    Sorry about the call. Inexcusable. It just isn’t right. I had a bad experience when my dad died. I went after them – just like you did. When the drains are out – we are going out! Hang in there. You have legions of people cheering for you.

  6. February 15, 2010 11:28 pm

    The local cemetary actually called my home on Christmas Eve day and tried to sell me a cemetary plot. I jsut remember saying to the woman, “Are you kidding me? Are you TRYING to ruin my holidays or are you just out of your mind?”

  7. February 15, 2010 11:52 pm

    my husband took it hard after his dad passed away. he was crying at the drop of a hat. the one day he seemed to be coming out of his funk, we got an application from american express for life insurance, addressed to his dad. before he could get too sad, i grabbed a pen and we filled the application out together. he was actually laughing when he wrote special instructions- to take the first premium out of the benefit amount and send us the other $99,974.00 ASAP.

    two weeks later, we get a letter of denial from american express. DUH! the funny thing is the explanation:

    denial code 557- applicant already deceased

    i guess they got so many BS applications back, they had to create a code for it.

    we weren’t as creative as we thought we were!

    as long as there are people with phones, they will continue to call. hope they take you off the list.

    if they call back, just play along with them. ask them if you can request for your body to be donated to necrophiliacs after the ceremony. we use that one on my mom all the time, we’ll teach her to step out of line!

  8. February 16, 2010 5:45 am

    Unbelievable! Are you on the Do Not Call Registry? I always tell unsolicited phone callers that I’m going to report them and they hang up in a hurry and I usually don’t hear from them again.

  9. Sue permalink
    February 16, 2010 8:04 am

    My cousin actually worked for a cemetery as a tele-marketer when she was desperate for a job. She only lasted one week. She got yelled at, cried at, hung-up on. She always tells people it was the worst job she ever had. I can’t believe they actually try to sell plots over the phone. How tacky!

  10. Leslie permalink
    February 16, 2010 8:26 am

    We occasionally get solicitations from pre-planned funeral programs for my husband’s parents. They both died in the late 1980s. Lame.


  1. Am Not! «
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