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Blinded Me With Science

February 18, 2010

Dang! Only until Monday to take advantage of Victoria Secret’s latest e-mail offer? What to do, what to do. I hate to miss out on a free thong, but what am I going to do with a push-up bra?

Maybe next time.

So, in the name of science and doing good things for future cancer patients, I have decided to be selfish and not participate in the clinical drug trial that I was told about at the oncology office.

I was told about it a week ago and told them I’d make a decision by yesterday. The nurse called yesterday and I hadn’t taken one look at the paperwork she gave me. “Sure, I’ll do it,” I said. And then she asked me to drop off the consent form when I was in the breast clinic today.

Then she called back to request that I drop in at the oncology office for a blood draw and urine sample. “Okay,” I said.

And it was then that I finally picked up the paperwork and read through it.

It’s a 10 year commitment! Funny that she didn’t mention that when she was going over the clinical trial information in the office last week. Nor did she mention that I’d be going in for 6-month check-ups for the next 5 years, followed by 1-year check-ups for the 5 years after that. Then I got to the page of side effects. And while the paperwork didn’t distinguish if these would be in addition to the regular chemo side effects or just part of the chemo side effect fun, I knew that even if it was one iota more than the standard chemo, I wanted no part of it.

Blisters on my feet and hands?

Count me in!

So I called her back and told her that I’d changed my mind. Now I feel guilty. Relieved, but guilty.

The Big Nugget is only relieved. But I think that’s mostly because when we met the research nurse, she coughed into her hand. Yep. She coughed into her hand and then she left the exam room to go fetch something. Which is when The Big Nugget said, “Don’t shake her hand. She coughed into it.”

“How am I not going to shake her hand, if she offers it?” I had just spent the last half hour telling the oncologist what a dump her place is. If they even let me come back, how am I going to make eye contact, if I run around offending the entire office?

So the nurse came in, handed over some information, commented about the “good questions” I’d asked (apparently, everybody else 1 week out of surgery is too weak to ask questions…do you know that she didn’t have an immediate answer for who would pay for all of those check-ups over the next 10 years?) and then extended her hand.

I shook it. The Big Nugget, bless him, shook it. And then we made a bee-line for the lobby, where we knew an auto-dispenser of hand sanitizer waited for us.

And I have to tell you, every time I thought about participating in that clinical drug trial, knowing Nurse Typhoid would be in charge of that part of my chemo, I had a very bad feeling.

CiNDy said to me last night, “If only there were a little camera in the exam rooms with you and Scott…” Just imagine what the medical world would hear!

Speaking of The Big Nugget, we were watching the men’s half-pipe snowboarding on the Olympics last night. Whenever a boarder was boarding, The Big Nugget was moving his torso from side to side, extending himself high whenever a boarder was trying to get air.

“Do you realize that you’re even doing that during the recap tape? After you already know how they’ve done?”

Dude cracks me up.

13 Comments leave one →
  1. February 18, 2010 10:38 am

    Okay. I am relieved that you said “NO”! I didn’t like the sounds of it when you first mentioned it. Like……don’t you have enough going on without being part of an experiment???? Don’t feel guilty, Kathy. This is about YOU and your comfort level with what is happening. There has been and will be far too many things that you have no control over. You do not need to throw something like this in the mix. It may be the greatest thing since sliced bread. And 10 years from now when they tell the world that it is, you can say “Shit! Shoulda done that!”, but I don’t think you will. You are doing great. Keep on keeping on! XOXO

  2. February 18, 2010 10:44 am

    Oh…..I forgot……..and so did you, apparently. You have no ass, K~Lo. Where would you put the thong is you had one???? LMAO Come to think of it….you can now stand sideways behind a tree and no one will be able to see you! One more plus of losing that 7 pounds :). Imagine…..7 pounds. I’d lose 3/4 of a pound. I must have been ‘behind the door’ when they were passing out boobs…..standing with my back to them, no less, cuz I’ve got the ass to prove it! Okay…..I’ll sit down and shut up now…..

    • February 18, 2010 10:47 am

      You are so naughty Yankee Chick! And hysterical! And right … what would I do with a thong?! Not to worry though, I am not so flat afterall. I don’t know where it came from – but once the boobs were gone I noticed that I have quite the belly! Huh! Never saw that before!

      • February 18, 2010 11:23 am

        Hell, I’ve had that problem for awhile now. Some guys have a “dick-d0” and I have a “boob-do”… in my belly sticks out farther than my boobs do! boo hoo hoo

  3. February 18, 2010 11:33 am

    I would think the checkups for the trial would be paid for by the drug company, but trials aren’t for everyone. It’s possible you would get a placebo anyway, and might not have any side effects, but I’m not sure I would want anything extra. Good for you for not getting pushed into something you really don’t want. I think you have enough to worry about without anything else. Maybe you could get the thong and give the push up bra to Yankee Chick. Sounds like she could use it. Heh.

    • February 18, 2010 1:01 pm

      Gotta have something to “push up” Beanie. Besides, “little”=”perky”, no pushing required, thank you very much! Hee hee.

    • February 18, 2010 8:17 pm

      Oh….I wouldn’t be tossing any stones here, people. If you get my drift. LOL!

  4. Claudia permalink
    February 18, 2010 12:55 pm

    Good point about paying for checkups. We had our cocker spaniel on a clinical trial at the animal medical center, and the trial paid for the drug and the “giving” of the drug, which apparently came to about $38 a visit. We were responsible for the rest of the visit, the checkup, whatever, and paid over $100 each clinical trial date~ xoxo

  5. February 18, 2010 3:16 pm

    I don’t think I would have participated in this test (having done them in the past). But I gotta tell you, I still had to see the oncologist every six months after I had finished treatment. Maybe, when I see him in June, he will allow me to come only once a year, because it is already five years since my last radiation.

    Some companies will pay your expenses while you’re in their tests. If the test is coming from a medical school, you usually see their doctors at no cost. But since they didn’t mention who would pay (sneaky, sneaky), I have to wonder. Always remember, the medical insurance industry is out to get us all.

  6. February 18, 2010 3:17 pm

    I hate to put a damper on things, but I am on six month recalls without being in a trial program. When I was taking chemo, I thought the last place I wanted to be again was in the oncologist’s office. When I had to wait the first six months, it was the longest time of my life! I sort of look forward to them now because I know the cancer isn’t back at that point!

    The people running the trial would have paid for the follow ups.

    I’m glad you did what you thought was best. As for Nurse Typhoid Mary, I have noticed in the places I have been (hospitals, etc), they encourage the patient to demand that caregivers (and visitors) wash their hands or use the sanitizer. Your oncologist’s office sounds like it came from the dark ages!

  7. February 18, 2010 8:16 pm

    This is your journey and always your choice, and I know you will do what is best for yourself. The candles are burning and I am singing songs every day. Victoria’s Secret be damned.

  8. February 19, 2010 5:20 am

    I need a push-up thong (for my saggy butt)!

  9. February 19, 2010 5:00 pm

    Don’t feel guilty Kathy – it’s a wasted emotion. Feel great about making the right decision for you. And why ain’t I on your blog roll?

    Oh no! I just said “ain’t” I am going to get hit by my mom if she finds out.

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