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I Don’t Insist You Think What I’m Thinking

March 14, 2010

“I tell you what, if my hair is going to act like this, it might as well go ahead and fall right off.”

My hair has decided that it likes to wake up in the morning, standing on end.

“Maybe it’s trying to leap off,” The Big Nugget Replied.

“Suicidal hair.”

Oh boy, do we make ourselves laugh.

Oh and the dog? You know the one I don’t give a patoot about? The Big Nugget gave her a bath in our bathtub. The first time he’s ever done that. I don’t know what got into him. Must have been the smell of those thousands of dead mole carcasses coming from the wet fur of our dog. When I went upstairs later, to see how bad the damage was to the bathroom, I’d discovered that The Big Nugget has used our Aveda shampoo on the dog.

Our expensive Aveda shampoo.

The dog is lovely and she smells so minty. So fresh. So natural. So expensive.

Good thing The Big Nugget saved all that money by not taking her to PetsMart. Our organically-shampooed doggy.

***

Somebody who goes to church, answer me this…

Is it sweeps week for ministers?

Because either all of my church-going friends have sold my name to their pastors  or it’s just by random “luck” that our house has been visited by two cold-calling ministers in one week.

Funny thing about today’s visit (I hid upstairs while The Big Nugget listened for a whopping 3 seconds) was that it followed, within a half hour, The Big Nugget showing me, on YouTube, George Carlin’s 10 commandments. Do you know that he got it down to 2 commandments?

Genius.

These church cold calls must have something to do with this being the lenten season, right?

I think I need to put a little sign at the door that says, “Don’t bother, I refuse to believe in what you believe in.”

However, maybe when I’m done with this cancer crap, I might want to start my own sweeps week. Go door to door to let people know that I don’t believe and that they are wrong if they don’t believe, too. Invite them to come to my house and listen to lectures of how I don’t believe. Then pass a plate so they can give me money.

I really find it offensive, believe what you want but don’t insist I believe, too; but I’m also willing to fight fire and brimstone with fire. And Dove chocolate eggs. I figured I’d at least hand out candy while forcing people to listen to my opinion.

Again. Blame it on the chemo brain. If you need to. I should edit the god stuff out. I just can’t. It’s not like I knocked on your door and forced you to put your underwear on (hi Dan!), get your dog behind a door, and face a stranger so that I could see if you thought how I thought, and if you didn’t, asked you to come over to my place and listen to more of what I thought. You chose to come here and read this.

Free will.

Also? It’s kind of disappointing to have your doorbell ring, cause you to drool – assuming it’s somebody with food! and have it turn out to be a minister from a church you’d never go to, even if you went to church.

Reverend should have brought a salad. Might have given him 5 seconds.

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11 Comments leave one →
  1. March 14, 2010 3:15 pm

    Don’t you dare edit the God stuff out. This is your corner of the world and your place to say what you need to say. If those that read can’t handle it they can click the little box up on the right hand corner of the page and leave.

    Your stuff is fresh, genuine, raw, and real. In fact, I feel a craft project coming on, I think instead of making WWJD braclets I think I am going to make WWKD bracelets with chocolate shaped charms.

    Yep that’s what I think I need to do. Oh and find some lovely frangrance for the CPAP so when I sleep I don’t smell rubber or plastic.

    You just keep on a writin` girly you are doin “jess fine” as my Great Grandma would say. xoxoxo

  2. March 14, 2010 5:23 pm

    No one but best friends, family or invited guests should be ringing your door bell and even they shouldn’t come unannounced. Even if you were accepting of their message it is just plan rude. Sic the once smelly dog on them!

    On the hair front – my scalp got really sore when the hair started falling out. We had already planned a trip to Myrtle Beach and the onc thought it would be okay. It was really windy there and it about killed me for the wind to blow my hair. On about the 14-15th day after chemo I started finding hair on the pillow.

  3. March 14, 2010 5:25 pm

    I meant plain rude. Still have some chemo brain or at least that is my story.

  4. March 14, 2010 8:06 pm

    I would buy a WWKD bracelet. I WOULD! Please to email me with the details.

    I would show up at your door unannounced — but only with food, and I would totally leave it on your doorstep and run after ringing your doorbell. What can I say, that’s how I roll.

    I don’t know why people have this thing where they want to make you believe whatever it is that they believe. It makes no sense. Also, please do not try to edit yourself. You’re awesome, just the way you are. No, I don’t agree with everything you say (just most of it), but I do enjoy your fresh viewpoint on everything. Sometimes you challenge how I think or feel about something, and I think I am growing because of it. So keep on. If you don’t mind. Please.

  5. March 15, 2010 1:49 am

    Personally, I enjoy being an aetheist Buddhist. I believe in the goodness of human beings and intimate interactions. BTW, I LOVE the necklace. Many hugs to you. Thank you for writing your blog. I LOVE that too.

  6. Floweer permalink
    March 15, 2010 7:12 am

    Good for you. You are so right. I appreciate your honesty. Watermelon – either tomorrow or Wednesday morning. I will call – drop off and run!!! 🙂

  7. March 15, 2010 7:23 am

    I wish I could say I’m amazed that pastors are cold-calling you. But I’m not. Sigh.

    Many, many pastors are good people who truly want to help others. They recognize that they are just as full of faults as everyone else, but they keep trying.

    Then there are those who play the number game. They feel compelled to increase the number of people attending their church. They don’t have any interest in CARING for these people once they attend…they just want to see those numbers go up. I’m sure the two who cold-called you are number counters.

    The others are quietly praying for your health and well being.

    Just a I am. I know you don’t want prayers, but suck it baby. It brings me comfort to do it. And I figure, it can’t hurt anything.

    {{HUGS}}

    The next time one comes to your door, just say “My friend Carolyn says you’re just a number counter and I don’t have to talk to you. Good DAY, sir!” Then slam the door in their face. They won’t bother you anymore. ;o)

  8. Suzi permalink
    March 15, 2010 9:54 am

    I have a cousin-in-law who is a chaplin and he always tells me, “if you want people to leave you alone, start witnessing” He never tries to “change” me….he knows better 🙂

    Also, on the diet coke issue (I’m always behind!), I kicked a big diet coke habit about 2 months ago and for 4 days, I felt like I had the flu. Wondered if this added to your crappy days with chemo. Hey Crappy Days with Chemo….sounds like a New York Times best seller.

  9. March 15, 2010 9:09 pm

    My hair wakes up standing on end EVERY morning. You mean, everyone’s doesn’t? Sh_t.

  10. March 15, 2010 9:10 pm

    Your sign for warning off evangelists should work. As backup, you could try leaving a deck of tarot cards visible from your doorway. That always scares the hell out them and they can’t leave fast enough.

  11. April 5, 2010 1:20 pm

    I don’t usually reply to posts but I will in this case, great info…I will bookmark your site. Keep up the good work!

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