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Keeping Track of the Chemo Days

April 3, 2010

So I can know what to expect, let me reflect on what has been.

The day before Chemo (Mondays): Hopped up on steroids. All is well.

The day of Chemo (Tuesdays): Hopped up on steroids. Plugged into chemo. All is hunky dory.

The day after Chemo (Wednesdays): Hopped up on steroids, plugged into anti-nausea from the chemo. All is fine. Actually run around and smile at people.

(Thursdays): Hopped up on steroids, body starts to plug up. Still relatively chipper.

(Fridays): Food tastes like slime. Water tastes like slime. All is backed up. All is not well. People who call to chat and cheer me up, piss me off. Even though I don’t want to feel that way about them. It’s just that they get to taste stuff and think about what movie to rent while I am just wishing for a fast-forward to July. Wallowing in self-pity is very time-consuming.

The Saturday after Chemo: Food and water are slime. Hate is in the air. Must figure out how to get through the day without taking my own life and the life of others.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. April 3, 2010 1:21 pm

    I remember a friend of mine who had cancer telling me about the loss of taste buds. That broke her heart more than losing her hair. All she wanted to do was TASTE (and get rid of the cancer – thankfully she did that).

    She did rip a pillow to pieces with her bare hands one day. Quite impressive. Maybe you can channel your “hate in the air” to the pillow.

    No one ever went to jail for pillow killing – at least – not that I know of.

    This sounds like a horrible roller coaster ride. I wish you well.

  2. April 3, 2010 2:49 pm

    /note to self: Make a list of things and people Kathy can tear apart and kill.

    Tell Ricky to get you a big ol’ board, a boatload of nails and a hammer. Then go beat the shit out of some stuff. Voila! Physical workout and mental workout all at once!

    Sending you daffodils and magnolias and hugs from Mizzou-rah land.

  3. Connie permalink
    April 3, 2010 4:45 pm

    Kathy, you may not believe you are brave but you are. One thing you better believe is how beautiful you are. A face as pretty as yours needs no hair to hide behind. Strength and love coming to you lady.

  4. Claudia permalink
    April 3, 2010 5:07 pm

    Just sayinng hello! You can throw something at me as I pass by! (waving and getting out fast)

    xoxo

  5. goatbarnwitch permalink
    April 3, 2010 6:23 pm

    Channel the nasty may be the best way to go… but only you know what will work best. I wish taste wasn’t one of the victims of the process… food should be one of the things left pure and wonderful no matter what. Mmmm, just a thought, any thing else to redo in the house? A good take apart with a crowbar could be very therapeutic.

  6. dan permalink
    April 3, 2010 8:42 pm

    love ya

  7. April 4, 2010 1:10 am

    chemo sucks. misery loves company. thank you for writing with honesty you melodious voice from cyberspace.

  8. Floweer permalink
    April 4, 2010 6:11 am

    Love ya too

  9. April 4, 2010 8:50 am

    I have a sticker on my fridge that reads “Crap, you’re gonna try to cheer me up, aren’t you?”
    I have no concept of what you’re going through.

    But I do know what it’s like to be angry at everyone for no other reason than because they get to just get up and live their lives.

    Feel the anger you need to feel. Embrace it if you must. Just don’t let it move in to stay. HUGS!

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