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Really?

April 4, 2010

Just a little reminder of better family times

So the Saturday after chemo didn’t go as smoothly as I’d hoped. Achey fingernails were again the sign of a fever. 100.6. I’m supposed to call the doctor if I get to 100.5. But a couple of Advil brought it down so I got to avoid the call. Last thing I want is to end up in the ER, surrounded by all sorts of infection. I’ll go only as a last resort.

Saturday also found me with some sort of break out all over my balding head. Red dots everywhere. I don’t know if it’s a reaction to the temp, a reaction to putting lotion on my head, reaction to having a an itchy five o’clock smattering of bristly hair, wearing a cap all day that I bought on etsy (without washing first), or what the hell it is. But it’s hot and it itches and I could be just as happy rolling up into a ball and never getting up again.

I have to do this 4 more times? And I walk in on my own feet?

Really?

During it all I somehow managed to make a pumpkin marble cheesecake from scratch AND a standing rib roast.

Both had flavor that I could taste!

I was also impressed that the smell of both cooking didn’t churn my stomach.

I AM brave!

I don’t make phone calls these days. I just don’t have the happiness in me to call and chat with someone. But yesterday I made a call to my doppelganger niece, who is feeling as shitty, if not more, as I am.

We almost lost her recently due to a very rough delivery of her 2nd baby. She and the baby are here, but my poor little niece has a long road to recovery.

I figured I could call her so we could feel sorry for ourselves together, and hate everyone who isn’t feeling this crappy together. I don’t want her to be miserable.  Not for a second. But as long as she’s miserable, she knows I’m here for her to vent, no judgement calls.

I think she was able to vent, at least a little.

The Big Nugget and I watched Whip It on On-Demand cable. Ellen Page as a roller derby girl. Just the thing I needed to shake off some of this funk.

Thing 1 & Thing 2 have some sort of cold. Fingers crossed (with much doubt on my part) that I don’t get it. I’m washing the crap out of my hands.

We were going to run to my sister’s house for Easter, but with my sick kids and her grandson having the sniffles, we’re out.  However, my sister will be bringing over a full Easter meal later. Don’t you worry about us not having enough food. She’s awesome that way!

This is the first time, in 20 years, that I didn’t make Easter baskets for the boys. I’ve got bags of candy but no energy to haul down (or even bother with) the container of baskets and plastic eggs. I told them there wouldn’t be any. I’m sure they’ll survive. Besides, I’ve been  buying them “Easter presents” for the past couple of weeks…clothing & books. Next year I’ll make sure they get baskets again. There’s no age limit on how long your kid gets an Easter basket. Not in my world. Just not this year.

I hope you all have a good Easter.

I hope I just keep my shit together today.

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. April 4, 2010 9:44 am

    It’s nice to be able to vent and let off steam to someone who’s feeling sort of the same way. I’m sure your niece really appreciated your phone call. I’ll keep her in my thoughts too — I almost lost my best friend when she delivered her last baby. It’s scary stuff.

    Sending you lots of love and hugs. Hey, since it’s through the internet you won’t get my germs! Score!

  2. poolagirl permalink
    April 4, 2010 12:34 pm

    Sending you wishes of whatever you need or want the most. Question: Do you like hot/spicy? We have some incredible Mexican candy here that is a combo of strawberry and chili. Sounds horrendous but it is absolutely delicious! Will send you some if you want to try it. It’s not a burn up your mouth spicy – just a nice, slow tangy spicy. Let me know, okay?

  3. Gretchen permalink
    April 4, 2010 12:49 pm

    I am extremely impressed with the pumpkin marble cheesecake. Seems like that ought to cure the cancer in and of itself. Hang in there!

  4. Paula permalink
    April 4, 2010 4:09 pm

    Now see? I didn’t do Easter baskets for my two and I don’t feel guilty about it. (They are 21 and 19.) A couple of years ago my son told me that he was NOT going to get a holiday picture taken with his sister any more. The nerve! That was always a favorite grandparent gift! Jackass. So I (very huffily) said FINE and promptly decided that if they were too old for the picture then they were also too old for Easter baskets, Valentine’s Day, etc.

    My daughter brought up the lack of the Easter basket today and then forlornly asked me, “Are we going to have a Christmas this year?” Of course, she was breaking my balls, a skill at which she excels.

    Damn kids.

  5. yaketyyak permalink
    April 5, 2010 4:41 am

    This was the first Easter I didn’t spend with my kids. One is at school and their spring break doesn’t start until the 9th, and the other moved 3 hours away. I spent the day alone, but it didn’t really bother me… too much…

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