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Crap Won’t Make That Sparkle

April 30, 2010

Did you get a load of that conversation between Oprah and Rielle Hunter the other day?

I caught bits and parts because I was trying to bake pumpkin muffins while watching it and then I had to pick up Thing 2 from his guitar club. So basically I saw a good 10 to 15 minutes of Rielle Hunter showing us what a selfish bitch she is.

Of course she doesn’t see herself that way. She was just a gal who was following her heart. Being true to her self. And blaming the public’s anger on their own infidelities or the infidelities of their spouses or parents.

Because, really, what’s wrong with sleeping with somebody else’s husband when she’s just being truthful to her self? And a person can’t help who they fall in love with, can they?

C’mon, people. Knock this type of crap the hell off.

  • Being true to yourself, when making so many people suffer because of it makes you no different than the guy who breaks into homes stealing valuables. The whole family gets hurt. “Mommy!” little Billy will say, “Somebody stole daddy’s penis!”
  • You CAN help who you fall in love with. If you meet someone and they make your vagina sparkle, but they’re married, don’t answer their phone calls. Don’t meet them at the bar to talk about how they make your vagina sparkle but it’s just not right to polish it with a married piece of crap that cheats on his wife. Besides, crap polish stops your vagina from sparkling.
  • If you get involved with a married man who has children – and a wife battling breast cancer – you are a monster. You are evil. And you need to be alone. You have no social skills and should not be put in situations where you will act no better than a high school shooter – taking victims as you walk through a crowd.

Rielle Hunter is a great with the spin. She’s okay with herself and what she’s done to the Edwards family because she wasn’t the one who had vows with Elizabeth Edwards. So I guess that makes it okay.

Don’t misunderstand me, John Edwards is the biggest douchebag in all of this. But Rielle Hunter is a douchebag accessory. She’s John Edwards’ smelly, vaginal sparkle shoulder douchebag.

Ladies. This is a public service announcement. Don’t sleep with other people’s spouses. If you are married, don’t show your vagina to people you aren’t married (or committed) to, unless it’s a doctor who gets paid to look at your vagina.

If you think you just can’t help yourself what with the falling in love of somebody you ought not fall in love with, change your phone number. Stop answering your phone. Reject flower deliveries. Get a new fucking hobby.

If this still doesn’t stop you from  having sex with other people’s partners, accept the fact that you are a Pathological Douchebag and stop trying to convince everyone else that they’re the ones who are wrong.

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. April 30, 2010 8:08 am

    APPLAUSE!!! Standing ovation. I didn’t see the interview, nor do I have any desire to see said interview, but your advice is spot on.

  2. April 30, 2010 8:44 am

    I love the whole “sparkling vagina” thing. HOW are you so funny?!? Lady, you could totally do stand-up.

    I posted on FB yesterday an article about how Michelle McGee wouldn’t have had an affair with Jesse James if she had known he and Sandra Bullock were adopting a baby together. Um, WHAT? The fact that he was MARRIED wasn’t enough to stop her? And I call bullshit on the baby thing because he had his children (from a previous marriage) living in his house with him and Sandra, so how is a new baby going to change the fact that they were already a family?? I don’t excuse Jesse James in any way on this because he’s the one who took vows, but McGee’s reasoning is terribly, terribly skewed.

  3. April 30, 2010 8:45 am

    So well said!

  4. Sue permalink
    April 30, 2010 9:00 am

    I agree with you 100%! I saw the last 1/2 hr. of Oprah and couldn’t believe how selfish she sounded. She deserves to be with that asshole Johnny. She would make a good politician too, the way she evaded the actual answer to some of Oprah’s questions. She was being true to her heart while she was causing heartbreak in his family. Give me a break.

    ps – Sparkling Vagina! Hahahaha!

  5. April 30, 2010 9:35 am

    I watched this interview — every single bit of it because I couldn’t believe she’d actually show her face on television and discuss something so wrong. She’s the sorriest excuse for a human being ever. I feel sorry for her child. If she’s going to make those kinds of wrong decisions before her child was born God knows what kind of parent she’s going to make.

    I don’t get cheaters. I really don’t get cheaters. If your relationship/marriage or what have you is that bad then for God’s sakes get the fuck out. My ex-husband was a cheater. The guy couldn’t keep his pecker in his pants if his life depended on it. For years I thought it was because I was fat. I blamed myself. I thought it was because I wasn’t good enough. Finally I learned it had nothing to do with me, it was all about him and his stuff.

    When I watched that interview all I could think as she opened her mouth and made excuses and pontificated about why this and why that was that this was a female version of my husband talking. And I so wanted to just push her fucking face in, over and over and over.

    And for Christ sakes if you need to fucking make your vagina sparkle people go buy a fucking vibrator and fly solo.

    Just sayin-

    God that interview pissed me off.

  6. April 30, 2010 9:39 am

    Now that’s the KLo we all know and love! Hee!

  7. yaketyyak permalink
    April 30, 2010 4:54 pm

    I totally agree.

  8. April 30, 2010 9:52 pm

    That blog entry rawked!

    As a woman of a temporarily stupid man who almost made a serious life changing mistake with a Rielle-wanna be who actually compared herself to Monica Lewinsky and my husband to Bill Clinton, I freaking applaud you. There is no excuse for a woman to do that to another woman. We have too much crap to put up with from our men to abuse one another that way.

  9. May 3, 2010 10:39 am

    Oh, that woman is lucky she doesn’t know me. She is everything a responsible adult should not be, especially with blaming other people for her mistakes. Neither my husband nor I was ever unfaithful, nor were my parents; so whose infidelities am I blaming on her?

    She’s just a selfish litle brat; I wouldn’t allow that from a child. I’m glad I didn’t bother to watch.

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