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The Skinny on my Fat Arm

April 30, 2010

I have lymphedema in my right arm. The lymphatic tissues are full of lymphatic fluid because I no longer have all the lymph nodes it takes to keep the fluid proceeding in a forward manner.

Because of this I’ll have to be doing a few more things in my happy funtime fight against fucking cancer:

  • For the next few weeks I’ll be seeing a physical therapist, who specializes in lymphedema, three times a week. This will include a light massage to reroute the fluid; plus exercises, stretching and compression. You’d think any sort of massage would make me happy. This does not fucking make me happy. And I have to do it three fucking times a week for at least three fucking weeks.
  • I will be fitted with a compression garment that will fit from near the tip of my fingers up to my shoulder. I will have to wear this garment each and every fucking day for up to six months. If I have to sleep in it, I will shoot myself in the fucking head. Using a gun held in my left arm. So don’t worry about me. I’m right handed.
  • The physical therapist will work with me some more to get range of motion in that arm, careful to avoid damaging my nerves. This will also include compression of the nerves. Which I’ve had done before and it’s not too bad.
  • They will also work on that seroma under my right arm, so that it won’t “harden”. Ideally I would have to wear some sort of bra with a compression pad at that area, however, the area is too high for such a device so The Big Nugget will be instructed on how to compress that fucking fuckjob fuckknob fuckball area for me.

But hey, could be worse, right?

And no, Rielle Hunter, this does not mean you can sleep with my husband. I know you’ve got a thing for the husbands of women with breast cancer but you can’t have mine. If you do somehow end up with him, I will strangle my husband with your sparkly vagina. You’ve been warned.

12 Comments leave one →
  1. dakotagirl permalink
    April 30, 2010 12:35 pm

    Didn’t Kathy Griffin “bedazzle” her vagina before a public pap smear a couple weeks ago?

  2. Barb permalink
    April 30, 2010 1:37 pm

    Fuck cancer. Nobody deserves all that shit.

  3. April 30, 2010 2:22 pm

    I’m sorry you have another thing to deal with. I just finished up my physical therapy, and it wasn’t bad. Got my compression sleeve fitted yesterday (it comes with “donning gloves”!) and you can get COLORS if you want. My PT said that after treatments alot of lymphedema issues do resolve somewhat – so here’s hoping for you!

  4. poolagirl permalink
    April 30, 2010 3:10 pm

    I’m sorry you are facing yet another challenge. This sucks. Rocks.

  5. Claudia permalink
    April 30, 2010 4:15 pm

    I don’t think those are sparkles. Skank ho cooties have eyes that glow in the dark.

    My favorite phrase of your whole post: fuckjob fuckknob fuckball


  6. yaketyyak permalink
    April 30, 2010 4:52 pm

    That really sucks, Kathy. I’m so sorry all of this is happening to you.

  7. April 30, 2010 6:39 pm

    That really sucks! Message to the Great Universe or God or whoever the reader believes in. Leave Kathy alone!!!!! She’s had her share of bullshit – now let someone else deal with the crap…perhaps someone with a sparkly vagina or a bleached asshole – apparently that’s a new fun thing for sluts to do!

  8. Fran permalink
    April 30, 2010 6:53 pm

    Since my cancer was in my neck, the lymphedema caused me to have the greatest double chin you have ever seen!…you shoulda seen me in pictures. ….so I don’t wanna hear you belly achin’ about a little swollen arm, boo fuckin’ hoo! I think that you should make your vagina sparkley too, hey, what else have you got to do ….?
    Be well my friend, you have to take it, so…. just take it easy.

  9. April 30, 2010 9:48 pm

    Dammit. That just ticks me off that you have to deal with all that crap on top of your other crap! I want to say something all Pollyanna and sparkly, like I do, but it won’t make it any better. So take a gentle cyber hug instead and know that you are loved by lots of Dukes’ up here in the AK! XXOO

  10. May 1, 2010 12:10 am

    Boo Fucking hoo? hahahahahahahahah Oh my god!

  11. catherine permalink
    May 1, 2010 12:23 pm

    Ok, instead of bedazzling your vagina, how about if we deck out your compression glove? Remember the days of writing on a cast when we were kids? So, this is the adult version — sparkles, getting a fake tattoo painted on it, crystals, etc. You will be the coolest, sparkliest, lymphedema babe around.

    ……I, too, know someone who had the same issue and wearing the compression glove did the trick. Her swelling is gone. Yours will be too ;-P

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