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No Pride

May 21, 2010

Sitting in the lymphedema doctor’s exam room today, the nurse coordinator came in, took one look at me, and said, “I know you! We went to high school together.” She graduated with my little brother. She lives near the both of us (my brother lives about 20 blocks away). I didn’t recognize her and now, this damned chemo brain, I can’t remember what her maiden name was. (The Big Nugget was with me but he is of no use with personal information). I can’t get over how quickly she recognized me. Have I not changed at all since high school? And, if how I look now is how I looked in  high school, is it no wonder that I never got asked to prom? Who’d go to the prom with a woman who looked like she was 51 years old? And had a bald head?

I suppose this is how things roll in small communities, the recognizing of patients in clinics, but I live in a large community, and this was a clinic in Minneapolis, not the city that I live in. This happens to me all the danged time!

Good thing I don’t have issues with not wanting to share too much information with people I went to high school, and share a city with. She had my weight sitting right in front of her. Oh! The humanity!

Speaking of too much information and how I am so very reserved, here I am in that ridiculous wig that will be going back immediately. Don’t ask me why I was smiling like I was happy about it. Oh. I know why. I look horrible if I’m not smiling for photos. So I smile like a crazy mofo when I have my picture taken.

I Have No Pride, That I Share This With You

By the way: This is what it looked like on the website (click hyperlink to see)

And here is the photo my youngest son posted on my facebook wall after I walked into his room to show him the ridiculous wig:

I know I could get  a different one, in a different color and whatever. But people? When I put it on and it was snug on my  head, like you’d want a wig to be – so it doesn’t blow off – I couldn’t stand it! I was hot in seconds! I am always frickin’ hot. My baseball caps make me hot and they’ve got the big old gap in the back. I would be miserable in a wig.

“Your always hot,” my husband concurred, “How could you wear a wig?” Do you people know that throughout our Minnesota winters I mostly wear my jean jacket?

Also? There is no wig out there that can come close to the thin hair I had. Every wig would be too much hair for me. But, were there a wig that was close to my thin hair, it’d be a wig with alot of exposed scalp. Right Judy? Lynn?

I do think it’s time, however, to go in search of some sort of summer straw hat. A little fancier for those fancier days. Judy Beauty – this is your duty! Take me cute summer hat shopping!

I’m headed back to the hospital today for an ultrasound of my seroma. The lymphedema nurse practitioner wants to get a gauge on it’s size so we can keep an eye on it. And to make sure it’s not a blood clot, which was news, as a possibility, to me. The minute the nurse coordinator/high school alum/neighbor said that, not knowing what sort of drama queen she was saying that to, I fixated on that and am sure it’s going to be a blood clot – and the only reason it hasn’t traveled to my  heart or brain is because it’s the size of a canteloupe and can’t get through the arteries. Or veins. Or whatevers. So much for my medical terminology class.

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17 Comments leave one →
  1. May 21, 2010 11:35 am

    okay so you are going to hate me but if I hadn’t seen your hair before and I saw this now for the first time I wouldn’t have given it a second look, it doesn’t look horrible it just looks like hair. The fact you hate it is the important part.

    Let us know what happens with the arm. Yeah no blood clots would be good.

  2. May 21, 2010 11:40 am

    It looks seriously HOT….to bad it makes you HOT.

  3. Gretchen permalink
    May 21, 2010 11:43 am

    I think the wig looks fine, but if it makes you crazy it’s just not worth it. I bet you’ll find a great summer straw hat.

  4. May 21, 2010 12:16 pm

    I think I am going to have to show you a picture (which means I have to get someone to take one) of my wig. Too much hair? I was delighted. I keep the wig now to wear in cold weather.

    The trouble with ball caps, for me, was that people kept calling me “sir.”

    When I went to my fortieth high school reunion, everyone recognized me. Wherever you look, it’s the same face. (If you go to my fb account, there is an album called “just me.” All those years of the same face.)

  5. poolagirl permalink
    May 21, 2010 1:17 pm

    Sorry about the wig. But caps are good!

  6. judy permalink
    May 21, 2010 1:28 pm

    when would you like to go shopping? corey is gone this weekend!!! xoxo

  7. May 21, 2010 2:19 pm

    I’m sorry you hate the wig, because I think it’s lovely! But if uncomfortable send the S.O.B packing! I don’t see why you couldn’t wear a pretty silk scarf around your noggin for fancy restaurant occasions, unless it made you uncomfortable. Because that’s what matters the mostest!

  8. Lena permalink
    May 21, 2010 2:26 pm

    A friend of mine used to work at a hair salon where the owner was a specialist in working with people who had lost their hair due to chemo. She helped them choose a color and a style and then would trim it and shape it and thin it so that it looked more natural. Maybe you would be happier if you brought the wig into someone who does that kind of thing. The ladies that came out of her salon always looked terrific in their wigs and most generally you couldn’t ell they were wigs. Actually I thought the color was terrific on you – and would have never guessed from the picture that it was a wig. But hot and scratchy? I can understand that.

  9. May 21, 2010 4:26 pm

    OK, so last night, while Rosie was sleeping, just before she woke up with her fourth hot flash for the night, I danced through her dreams with thoughts of going wig shopping with you. We found a particularly lovely one in a blonde page boy that for some odd reason looked faboo, even though logic says it wouldn’t suit the real you at all.

    Being the intelligent gerbil that I am, I agree with the many others who wouldn’t have noticed that it was a wig, and I particularly agree with Lena about finding a good stylist and having the wig shaped up for you…but then you would be hot, and that would mean that YOUR brain gerbil would be miserable, and I simply can’t do that to one of my cousins.

    Too bad you can’t just take some human hair that you can get at Sally Beauty Supply and sew it to a lovely scarf so it just looks like you are stylin’, without all of the rest of the wig hair on top of your head. Hmmm…will make Rosie go get the hair she was going to sell and make a prototype.

  10. Paula permalink
    May 21, 2010 6:16 pm

    Oh hate me, but I think the wig looks great! I also have thin hair so I get what you’re saying about the too much hair, but I would take full advantage of finally having a decent mop on my head!!

  11. Leslie permalink
    May 21, 2010 9:03 pm

    I think it looks good, too … but totally understand that if it doesn’t feel good, it’s not good.

  12. May 21, 2010 9:36 pm

    …just like in that movie “A Christmas Story” when Ralphie’s mom made him put on the pink binny pajamas that his Aunt had made for him. I loved when the Dad knowing that Ralphie hated the pj’s yelled to Ralphie, “Take it off!”. If you hate the wig, take it off and send that sucker back! And I never even thought of the whole wig with glasses issue!!
    Just do whatever makes YOU comfortable!

  13. May 21, 2010 11:49 pm

    i like the wig. it looks like any hairstyle you would see out at the grocery or whatever.

    if you want to go extreme with your hair, get the old kate gosselin do- the reverse pineapple mullet with bobbed bangs and skunky blonde chunks. put those with so pierced and bedazzled prosthetic ta-tas and you would be the hottest thing in the entire state.

    have a great week-end.

  14. May 22, 2010 11:09 am

    I’m always hot too. I wonder if it is because we live in areas that are so cold for most of the year? I liked the photo of you in the wig, but I get it…I can hardly stand to wear a hat either. You are beautiful as you are…wearing a wig; wearing a baseball cap or looking like you’re 51 years old and bald. Anyone who doesn’t think so, can just look the other way. HUGS

  15. May 22, 2010 2:14 pm

    I too have thin hair with scalp showing. It is even worse now that I am taking Femara to scare those nasty breast cancer cells away. I was wearing a wig even before cancer. You are right. They are HOT – especially here in muggy, hot Houston. I can understand you not wanting it.

  16. May 22, 2010 11:29 pm

    I was in the delivery room, sweaty, makeup all over my red, veiney face, legs in stirrups when a nurse walked in and instantly recognized me as someone with whom she’d unwillingly “shared” a boyfriend in college. Oh yeah. She had the best day evah!

  17. yaketyyak permalink
    May 23, 2010 9:18 am

    The photo of the dog KILLS me.

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