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Stella Got Her Dog Groomer

June 10, 2010

Wow. I just made The Big Nugget and myself eggs of rubber. If my house were Hell’s Kitchen, the television show, Gordon Ramsay would have tossed these at my head. And they would have bounced back and hit him on the head, they are that rubbery.

I’d send them back to the kitchen but then I’d have to go back to the kitchen to make more, and I’d rather eat them in their rubbery form.

But that’s not what I wanted to blog about this morning. I’ve got a couple of blog things this morning.

First is that I wanted to blog about was Stella’s new dog groomer.

We’d been taking Stella to PetsMart for her occasional grooming. But it’s such a hassle when you’ve got a nervous dog who can pull your weight, no matter what your weight is. And always always always, people who are retarded and wearing backpacks come out of everywhere to petty my pretty dog. Stella does not like the disabled, especially if they have a backpack – but mostly if they are in wheelchairs. She barks and growls, even while they pet her. Yes, they always continue forward to pet the pretty doggy – even after she’s raised her fur and shown her teeth.

I fear that one day she will bite. I’ve talked to her about being bigoted and just not nice. She does not listen.

So. I’ve been looking around the neighborhood, but not very aggressively, for a small dog grooming location. While Stella has gotten smellier and smellier. Finally, I made a phone call to the closest groomer in the neighborhood, located in a pretty dead and very old strip mall. I’m guessing it’s a prototype strip mall, first of it’s kind. Afterall, we’ve got Southdale Mall nearby, which is the very first indoor mall. Ever. So why not that this is the first strip mall?

I played phone tag with the owner/groomer. She’d left a message that she had a cancellation for today and I could bring Stella in. I’d left a message for her that I needed to know what time the opening was so that I could see if that would work for me. (With my busy schedule today of: Thing 2’s high school graduation tonight)

Finally, we made actual contact and it went a little somethin’ like this.

“Hi, this is Cynthia from *dog groomer*, what you can do is drop your dog off between 8 and 9 a.m. tomorrow. What I do is watch Live with Regis and Kelly (yes she did!) and then start grooming the dogs. Then at 1:00, I’ll call people and they can start picking their dogs up.” (I’m guessing she calls after All My Children is done.)

The call went on for a while because Cynthia, she’s a chatterer. I’m not so sure I’m fond of future of conversations with Cynthia. She’s got nothing much to chat about and insists on chatting. (Pot? Kettle? Shut it?) But she’s a dog groomer in a tiny little space and I’m looking for a dog groomer in a tiny little space. And it’s my dog so I’m not particularly discerning.

Forward to this morning at 8:23, when I arrived with Stella at the shop.

I filled out a form, Cynthia chatted about all sorts of things  – over the high volume of Good Morning America on the television set right next to the counter. But she was able to hear that Stella needed her nails clipped.

“I know,” I said, “I used to walk her all the time and that would take care of her nails but now, I have breast cancer and I haven’t been able to walk her.”

“My sister-in-law died from breast cancer!” she said.

Cripes. What an idiot.

But, hey? Journal fodder – am I sayin’?

I’ve told you people before and I’ll tell you relatively newer readers, I love me curmudgeons and idiots. I don’t take them personally and they crack me the hell up because how boring would this world be if there weren’t crabs and fools to laugh at? And make me feel superior. (You know I do!)

So we’re standing there, she’s telling me about the horrible death by breast cancer of her sister-in-law, who also suffered from sexual abuse as a child, blah blah blah.

When Stella pee’d on the floor.

“Dang!” I said when I saw what Stella had done.

“Don’t worry about it,” she said. “We don’t react to that. It happens, I clean it up.”

Then Stella did it again.

“Dang!” I said.

“Don’t worry, don’t react,” Cynthia said.

Then Stella pooped.

“Stella!” I said.

“Don’t react,” Cynthia said.

I did want to react. I wanted to say, “Good dog, Stella! Cynthia behaved rudely, talking about somebody who died from cancer to somebody in the midst of battling cancer, and payback is handed out in pee and poop! Good doggy!”

Heh.

I think I’m going to LOVE taking Stella to the new dog groomer.

And hey, isn’t Cynthia much better doing a good service with doggies rather than working behind some retail counter with the public? Everybody has to work and I support that! If she’s got the social skills of a dog, she’s definitely in the right field.

***

Wait! I’m not done with this entry!

Last night I finally got to meet my long-time, online, Diaryland buddy Diane – and her newlywed husband, Fred last night. God. Dinner with Newlyweds. All the goo-goo-eyeballing and butt-grabbing going on!! 😉 (Although, I’m not kidding about the butt grabbing that went on!)

They’re on a very long, almost-cross-country, summer vacation from Massachusetts to Yellowstone, and back again. Enroute to their next destination of Fargo  (because really, if you’re out this way – how do you not go to Fargo?) they came through the Twin Cities.

We had dinner at the Mall of America last night (thanks Fred!) and spent a little time in the mall before I put them back in a vehicle and forced them to go on my mini tour of Minneapolis and it’s lakes. “C’mon! Sit and ride! You haven’t done that enough already!”

I’ve known Diane online for over eight years, was reading when she went through her own breast cancer fun and back in to the real world of being a regular person – not a breast cancer person. I’m looking forward to seeing her again when I’m also a not breast cancer person. I wasn’t sure I wanted to meet her (or anyone, for that matter) with a head full of bald. It’s not the kind of image you want to leave a person with. But hell, it was Diane. Fuck bald!

She’s awesome and once again I can tell you, if you like someone online and you like them online for awhile, you’re going to like them in person, too.

Come back, Diane!

***

Time to go. The NPH people are here. NPH.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. June 10, 2010 10:15 am

    I’m so glad you were able to meet her! I think she’s lovely! (I haven’t met Fred yet.)

  2. June 10, 2010 10:42 am

    I know I’m going to look like the idiot blond backwoods Saskatchewan farmchick that I am, but what are NPH people?

  3. Sue permalink
    June 10, 2010 1:54 pm

    Oh, how funny with the peeing and pooping at the dog groomer’s! She must have been scared to death! Can’t wait to hear how the pick-up went. Also, congratulations to Thing 2!

  4. Lena permalink
    June 10, 2010 4:36 pm

    Fargo? They’re actually going out of their way to Yellowstone to see Fargo? I certainly hope they’re not too disappointed.

  5. Jenn permalink
    June 11, 2010 9:22 pm

    Meh, Diane is “ok.”

    I jest!

    Yay for fun visits!

  6. yaketyyak permalink
    June 12, 2010 6:43 am

    Reading about your adventures with the dog groomer made me laugh out loud!

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