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Or Else

July 13, 2010

I’m still so much happier being bald than I was when hiding under a cap. It’s very freeing. However, there are times when I just feel incredibly ugly. But mostly I just don’t give a damn. Well, I give a damn. It’s just that there’s not much I can do about the being bald right now.

Because I didn’t lose all of my hair, I can’t tell if anything new is coming in because I have hair all over my head. I had The Big Nugget shave what I had, down to about a quarter of an inch because it was really looking goofy with occasional long hairs here and there. It does feel a little peach fuzzy on the back but I’m just not sure if any of it is new.

My fingernails are weird (but they’re still there!) They’re mishapen, have ridges (that apply to each chemo treatment – it’s like I’m a tree!) and they have weirdness underneath them, as though there’s a reptilian layer underneath that is going to shed. Very weird. I was picking at the underneath layer when I realized it could be a very bad thing to do. Just another happy fun thing to go with the happy fun cancer show.

I’m trying to figure out what size shirt I wear now. I’m down 2 shirt sizes. Stupid evil boobs. Made me buy Jumbo shirts.

I’m having a tough evening. I think it might be because today (Tuesday) would have been a chemo day for me, had I not been done with the chemo. Can you believe it’s been 3 weeks since my last chemo?

I’m mad because so many things still don’t taste like they used to. Pizza? Pizza! I used to love the Unique White Pizza from Broadway Pizza (a local Twin Cities pizza chain) but tonight it just didn’t taste right. Like alot of things don’t taste right. Not just Not Right, almost Not Good. That better be temporary. Or else!

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. July 13, 2010 11:31 pm

    No way are you incredibly ugly!!! You have the most shining gorgeous smile, even your bald pictures are good!! I’m sorry about the taste thing, that sucks. I am sure once the tastebuds heal you can enjoy your pizza again.

  2. Gretchen permalink
    July 14, 2010 10:41 am

    I would never have guessed you would get chemo ridges on your fingernails. Just one more weird fact about chemo stored away in my brain for future use. Thanks for that! And I hope your sense of taste is back to normal soon, that would be so annoying.

  3. July 14, 2010 12:30 pm

    Things will taste right again. It took me a long time to eat Chinese again. You quite probably have new peach fuzz coming in. Congratulations. Things will be almost normal again – the boob thing, you know. You came through the whole thing really well.

  4. July 15, 2010 3:59 pm

    I think you are being very brave. Bad enough having a horrid disease and then super- vile to have hair drop out. Gosh.
    Anyway, I’m rooting for you from NY.

    Did things taste weird when you were pregnant?
    maybe evil chemo’s taste effects will wear off?

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