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Jumped the Shark

July 19, 2010

I know that my title to this post shouldn’t be “Jumped the Shark” because that means my show will be taking a turn for the worse. You know, when Fonzie jumped the shark on Happy Days and the show went to hell from there? Old people? You know what I’m talking about, right?

My own personal show is not about to take a turn for the worse. But if it does, you can blame this on another one of my precognitive moments. Which I have all the fricking time. Have I mentioned that here? No? It happens all the time and it just seems weird how my past connects, via clairvoyance, to my present. Ask Cindy. She’s seen it happen to me time and time again.

True story.

Now if I could only get Cindy to become a little more extroverted, people might be able to ask her questions about me.

Anyway.

What I did was Jumped the Gun and took my first Tamoxifen last night instead of this morning. It just makes more sense. My morning routine is null and void, what with not working and not going to school. But my bedtime routine is pretty solid…I get a glass of ice water and a book and I head upstairs. Then I turn on the t.v. and I never drink the ice water and I never read the book.

So I put my bottle of Tamoxifen on my night stand and will make it part of my routine…get ice water and book, go upstairs and perform my ablutions, get into bed, turn on the t.v., take a pill, go to bed. Still not reading the book but at least I’m actually drinking the water I bothered getting in the first place.

It’s genius. Because if I forget to take the pill, I’ll have several chances in the middle of the night when I wake up from hot flashes or wake up to go to the damned bathroom while hobbling on my plantars fasciitis left foot.

I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. I feel pretty and witty and bright. And I pity any girl who isn’t me tonight. Have you seen the girl in the mirror there?  Who can that attractive girl be?

Such a pretty face, such a bald head, where do you think that her boobs could now be?

Maybe I did jump the shark. Where’s my leather Fonzie jacket?

Hey!

I almost wrote “whoa”, but that’s Joey Lawrence, not Arthur Fonzarelli. I like that Joey Lawrence, and not just because he’s bald like me. Although that does make him more endearing to me right now.

***

So I just ate a mushroom and cheese omelet. Do I look thinner yet? No? I chased it with a glass of V8 over ice. Man, that’s like drinking a bloody mary! I should have sprinkled some pepper into it and added celery.

Cocktail!

***

I’m heading out to pick up free food at Floweer’s. 30 loaves of free Jimmy John’s bread was not enough for me. (You’d know about the excessive loaves were  you my facebook friend). Floweer’s got cucumbers growing out of the wazoo. God, I hope she doesn’t have cucumbers growing out of her wazoo. That’s just nasty.

Speaking of wazoos, I wish I could tell you about the phone conversation I had with  my mother this morning. But I can’t because cancer has made me kinder and gentler regarding my mother on my blog.

We are all suffering with my cancer. But my mother, she is a winner.

And really, how do I not have anything like that hair? Even when I have hair? I swear, somebody needs to tell me who my real mother is. Now!

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. July 19, 2010 10:56 am

    I don’t think I ever saw “Happy Days” first run. (Fonzie would not have been cool in my high school.) But when my kids watched reruns, years later, I kind of liked it and I liked the grown-up Fonzie. I keep an eye out for Winkler appearances, usually on short-lived series.

    But yesterday I was watching Royal Pains, which would be a great show if so many of the characters didn’t look alike, and there was Henry Winkler, newly cast as Dr. Hank’s dad. And he doesn’t look like anyone else! I may watch some more…

  2. poolagirl permalink
    July 19, 2010 3:14 pm

    Plantar whatsit it soooo painful! OMG! I can see you hobbling right now! OWWWW!

  3. mia permalink
    July 19, 2010 5:23 pm

    Weird story about Plantar Fasciitis. I dealt w/it for almost 2 years. Cortisone injections, sleep boot, walking cast for 6 months, nothing worked. I was left w/surgery or live w/it. I was in a real bad car accident and had to see a chiropracter for my neck and back. Two weeks of having neck and back adjustments and I’ve never had another twinge of PF. Weird right?

  4. July 20, 2010 8:19 am

    Fortunately I have so much more hair than my bio mom. Her hair is so fine and thin, like baby hair. I have more than that — but the hair I lust after is my stepmom’s. Thick and coarse and wavy and blonde. She’s starting to get greys and they just look like sparkles in her hair. NOT FAIR.

    Why couldn’t my stepmom have birthed me, hmmm??

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