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Doogie Howser, Reconstructive Surgeon

July 26, 2010

(Dear Floweer and Carol: Dinner entry coming soon!)

I met with the reconstructive surgeon this morning to discuss my options for boobages or not boobages. Thankfully I was warned, from several people, that this particular reconstructive surgeon was very young looking.Had I not been forewarned, I’d have thought I was being punked.

He didn’t really look too young to be a plastic surgeon. But very young, indeed.

“It’s nice to meet you,” I said as I shook his hand, “I’ve seen your work!”

“You have?” he asked.

And then I explained to him that my mother’s neighbor,  Terry, has been running all over the twin cities metro area, exposing her boob job to anyone who is not quick enough to look away.

He laughed.

I have 4 boobage options.

1) I do nothing.

2) I have scar revision, where he gets rid of those stupid lumps of fat from under my arms and makes my body taper how it should sans those old evil breasteses.

3) I have implants implanted.

4) I have abdomen fat relocated to my boobage area.

I can do this at any time in my lifetime. I can do part now and another part later so I opted, for right now, for the Scar Revision. It’s the least invasive of the 3 surgical options. Maybe I’ll get boobs later, maybe I won’t. I’ve got time. Right now all I want is to remove these lumps of fat from under my arms because I am sick to death of bumping my arms against them.

He doesn’t think I’d be a good candidate for the abdomen fat relocation because, get this – I don’t have enough fat in my abdominal area to make boobs out of.

“Can I get a witness?” I asked. Lord, I think I’m hysterical! I also may have, haha, responded to his “if you don’t want implants, you can use prosthetics” with a “Nah. I look like a super model. All I need is some heroin and I can start looking for work.”

Okay. I said that.

I get funnier (in my  head) when I’m nervous. Or discussing my chestal regions with a young man.

So the next step is for them to get insurance’s approval and we’ll get me on Doogie Howser’s schedule. It’s an out-patient surgery with no drain involvement whatsoever. And I can guarantee this because he wrote it on the sheet he was using when discussing my options. It wasn’t notarized so I can’t hold him to it in a court of law, were I to wake up with another set of Jackson-Pratt drains but I believe him. He might look young but I’ve seen his work and he does some mighty fine work.

I hope it’s a couple of weeks before we get this scheduled because Doogie Howser had a couple of huge bruises on his hand and I’d like his surgeon hands to heal before he cuts me. I almost asked him if he punched a wall when his mom closed his WoW (World of Warcraft) account. Thankfully my Funny Edit button worked a little.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. goatbarnwitch permalink
    July 26, 2010 4:03 pm

    The nice thing about young docs is they are up on all the latest with enthusiasm and seem to pay a bit more attention. Makes sense to do what is bugging you now and see how you feel, you have been through so much… I can’t imagine even considering surgery after all the rest.

  2. Lena permalink
    July 26, 2010 4:33 pm

    Exactly what GBW said. Take it easy. You don’t have to hurry. You’ve been through so much.

  3. dakotagirl permalink
    July 26, 2010 4:54 pm

    God I would love to have boobage options. heheh

    • Su Chick permalink
      July 26, 2010 7:19 pm

      Pizza before the reconstructive surgery? I’ll call you. SJ

  4. July 27, 2010 8:24 am

    Never lose the funny.

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