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Hair Helmet Seductive Cashier

August 4, 2010

At my grocery store there is this awesome cashier with the most perfect of helmet hair. Not a gray hair out of place. Not a one. Her nails are well manicured and she is sweet and kind. And very tiny. She probably eats tiny little squares of food. Square meals. Literally.

So imagine how she felt after today’s conversation:

Cashier: Isn’t it nice that it’s less humid today?

Me: I know! I hate that humidity! It makes me feel like I can’t breathe – so claustrophobic!

Cashier: Oh! I’m so claustrophobic! You’re right! That’s how it feels! Have you ever had an MRI? I could never have one!

Me: I have. But I’m okay with that because they usually have air blowing across your face.

Cashier: You didn’t have to be seduced?

Me: Ha!

Cashier: Oh dear!

And then we both cracked up. So did the elderly bagger. We couldn’t stop. The woman who was standing in line behind me with just a few items moved to another line. We kept on laughing.

Me: You mean, sedated? Because it would be pretty hard to have a couple of people in an MRI. Talk about your claustrophobia!

God! I’m still laughing!

Bonus to this entry. On the drive home, after I’d called Flower (I’m dropping the extra “e”) and told her the tale of the seduced cashier, I thought to myself…

If I’d had a girl, I’d have named her “Berdiece” and then when people asked if I’d said “Berniece,” I’d say, “No. It’s Berdiece. Berniece with a cold.”

I know. I have no idea where that came from either. I wonder if it has something to do with the coming back of my hair.

Don’t you wish you were me?

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13 Comments leave one →
  1. August 4, 2010 5:53 pm

    Sometime in the mid-90’s, there was a tv show called “Chicago Hope.” It was pretty well eclipsed by “ER”; even the characters on Chicago Hope watched ER.

    Anyhow, one episode revolved around a couple who were getting it on in the MRI…and he had a heart attack and died. They were stuck, and the firemen were all ready to wreck the million-dollar machine to get the people out. The doctors stopped them. They asked the woman, “didn’t you even think to ask permission to use the machine?” “He was the hospital administrator,” she said, “I thought that implied permission.”

  2. Donna permalink
    August 4, 2010 6:23 pm

    Maybe it’s the age. My mother told me about seeing an octopus in a tank that was trying to get out, and “you could see the testicles sticking to the glass” which of course explained it, because, I mean, who *wouldn’t* want to escape a tank if your testicles were stuck all over it?

  3. Floweer permalink
    August 4, 2010 7:54 pm

    I miss my extra “e”. I will make straight curtains – if I get my “e’ back. 🙂
    I will have to avoid the line at the grocery store – with your personal cashier. I won’t be able to keep a straight face. Thanks for the chuckles.

  4. August 4, 2010 8:54 pm

    They actually have video of a couple having sex in an MRI machine! I even found a link it on the New Scientist, instead of a site like YouTube where you can post ANYTHING. So yeah, it’s been done.

    I wouldn’t want to do it. No, thanks. But the “seduced in an MRI machine” cracked me right the hell up.

  5. August 4, 2010 10:41 pm

    I just fell off the sofa! All your fault!

  6. August 5, 2010 6:50 am

    Okay, this is not exactly the same thing but I’ll share it anyway because apparently old people are the funniest people in the world. My mom called me last night from the assisted living facility we just moved my parents to, and reported that “the little girl who washes men’s bottoms” had come to give my dad a shower and it had all gone very well. THE LITTLE GIRL WHO WASHES MEN’S BOTTOMS. Fucking hilarious.

  7. August 5, 2010 7:36 am

    My husband thinks I’ve lost my mind because I’m sitting here laughing out loud. Seduced got me going and Berdiece sent me over the edge.

    I’ve closed up at DL and opened a new blog at h2ophobic.wordpress.com. We’ve left MT and moved to OK to be near the kids (my son Mike and his wife Lindsay have lived there for years.) Shelby graduated in May and is attending school in OKC. A new blog for a new chapter of our lives.

    Shelby had to have an MRI last fall. The doctor prescribed a sedative for her to take prior to it. When she was getting settled with her Ipod, the tech asked her if she was nervous. Shelby giggled and said “Nah, I’m fine. They gave me some GREAT pills.”

    • August 5, 2010 8:32 am

      I updated your link over there on the right, Carolyn. I’m looking forward to A LOT MORE UPDATES!!!!

  8. kim birt permalink
    August 5, 2010 10:07 am

    hahah too funny..I needed a good old belly chuckle!!! hope the hair is doing good… take care Kathy!

  9. August 5, 2010 3:56 pm

    oh my gosh, between all the seducin’ and the sticky testicles and the little bottom-washin’ girl, I am losing it!!! Thanks for the giggles!

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