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You Really Do

August 27, 2010

I bet you’re all wondering how I really feel about smoking. I bet a lot of you smokers are thinking that if I’d take up smoking, I might calm the hell down about smoking. Because you smokers are so calm and all.

Lots of e-mail on the subject. Most of it telling me stories about the smokers who smelled up houses across the nation.

I do believe that smokers have totally fucked up their olfactory systems, making them think that they smell just fine. As do their houses.

And there’s nothing that smells more lovely than a smoker doused in perfume. That’s frickin’ genius at work, my friends.

I used to have a bunch of friends in college who smoked. Almost every one of those smokers went on to become alcoholics. And drug addicts. My best college friend, before CiNDy, was quite the little smoker. And drinker. And drug addict. She went on to inherit a shit load of money that she and her husband used on a swimming pool, alcohol and cocaine.

I believe that smoking cigarettes is the gateway to making a lot of bad choices. Which is why I’m so bummed that my older son smokes.  And makes bad choices.

I grew up in a house of cigarette smoke. My mom smoked until she was 50 and had her first heart bypass surgery. My dad smoked until he was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis. He was an alcoholic, who quit drinking that day, too. My siblings all smoked but have all thankfully quit. Well, my older brother didn’t quit so much as he died from a heart attack.

So hey, kids, you keep on smoking and justifying it, okay?

Good luck. Chemo’s a bitch. So are heart attacks. And you really smell.

7 Comments leave one →
  1. August 27, 2010 11:58 am

    Hah! There is a reason I don’t smoke… actually, there are many reasons. One is the smell, one is the fact that I can’t breathe well when smoking, and the other is the obvious health issues. Quitting is hard to do…

    • August 27, 2010 11:59 am

      Cancer’s harder. So is dying from a heart attack. I barely eat sugar anymore, that was way harder!

  2. August 27, 2010 1:11 pm

    My husband smoked for sixty years (maybe more; the story varies). He’d go into the hospital and be there long enough to be physically detoxed. We’d clean out his room and throw away any cigarettes we found.

    He was never psychologically detoxed. He would have kept on sneaking smokes (he even asked a therapist if he’d take him to the store…) but when he needed oxygen round the clock, he got it. At least for then. I’m sure one reason he’s so mad at me is that he can’t smoke in the nursing home.

  3. August 27, 2010 4:24 pm

    My dad smoked the whole time I was growing up and after my mom died (of cancer, no less), my grandpa used to tell me how bad I smelled every time I saw him. I couldn’t smell anything and I finally got tired of him telling me about it, so I said, “Look, I’m not the one who smokes and I can’t do anything about it, so quit harping on me.” He cut it out and I still don’t smoke – it’s a dirty, stinking, filthy habit that finally killed my dad this spring. Every time I would come home from his house (or my sister’s, because she smokes, too), I felt like I needed a shower because I stunk so bad. Yeccchh.

  4. August 27, 2010 9:24 pm

    My biological mother smokes. Or did, the whole time I was growing up. We didn’t live with her; we lived with our dad. But we’d visit her several times a year. She insisted that if she washed our clothes and stuck them immediately into the suitcase, they wouldn’t smell of smoke. I thought it worked — until I got back home to my dad’s house and smoke stench came billowing out of my suitcase. Ugh.

    My husband’s grandmother smoked until she got throat cancer. She spent the last twenty years of her life breathing through a hole in her neck. My husband saw all this happen, and saw the folks who smoked through their tracheotomy tubes in the hospital — and decided he’d never smoke. His parents immediately gave up smoking, but not his aunt and uncle. His aunt has had two heart attacks and still won’t quit smoking. Her daughter won’t stay with her when she comes to visit because their house smells so badly. So basically she picks cigarettes over her daughter and granddaughters. And my husband’s brothers, who saw his grandmother go through so much too, both decided to take up smoking. I just don’t get it.

  5. August 28, 2010 7:56 pm

    I grew up with a parent who smoked a lot. I had no idea I smelled like smoke. Once I went to a week-long camp and realized that my hair still smelled like shampoo the day after I washed it. I’d never experienced that before!! Now, I work at a school and the kids who live with parents who smoke, you can smell them coming. It’s sad for them, as they have no choice in the matter, and probably no idea they smell like that!!! Sad.

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