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Oprah Determines My Damn Fool State of Mind

September 18, 2010

Here’s the part I didn’t tell you about in my last entry because I wanted that to be a happy joyful entry.

As we walked around the Junk Bonanza  my hand got heavier and more swollen. I hadn’t carried a purse so didn’t have my glove. I am pissed that something would dictate whether or not I carry a damn fool purse (I’m quoting my cousin Kellie, she always calls me a damn fool – lovingly, of course.) Also? I am not wearing that glove until my hair looks like real person hair. I can only exhibit one mess at a time.

Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and I told the Big Nugget that I wanted to go home.

Then I got in the car and cried. I’m so sick of this damn fool lymphedema (I do not use this lovingly).

When we got home, I layed on the couch and put  my hand up. Watching Oprah.

It was the show with the mom who didn’t have arms and didn’t have legs, and was living in a crappy apartment.

“Okay! I get the message!” I blurted out. “I’ve got my arms and my legs, I’ll stop whining now!”

But then Oprah gave the woman and her family a house of her choosing that will be upgraded for handicap usage.

“Oprah didn’t give YOU a house,” the Big Nugget said.

Damn fool straight, Oprah didn’t give me a house. I’m going to keep on whining about my swollen hand until Oprah gives me a townhouse on the Upper East Side.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. September 18, 2010 11:49 am

    I think you are owed the house. Go for it.

  2. September 18, 2010 4:10 pm

    Oprah needs to send me to Australia, dammit!

  3. September 19, 2010 9:26 pm

    You totally deserve a new house! After all that’s been thrown at you, fo’ sho’. If I were a millionaire, I’d totally help you out. Unfortunately, the lottery has yet to choose my husband’s numbers. Dammit.

    Hey, could you wrap your sleeve around your middle to carry it so you wouldn’t have to carry a damn purse?! Like, tucked into the waistband of your jeans? I dunno. I’m just thinking here.

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