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They Say You Want To Go To Rehab I Say Sure Why Not

October 11, 2010

Without going into too much detail, I just wanted to let you know that the Big Nugget and I are participating in a 4-day parent’s program at a local treatment facility. And boy, am I learning things I wish I’d learned 5 years ago!

We’re the only parents without kids currently in the program so it’s kind of weird for us. But I was going through chemo at rehab time and couldn’t participate so I’m thankful we have this opportunity now. It’s just different.

We really shouldn’t be passing judgment on other parents but the mom who gave me shit because I didn’t want to sit in the sunshine this afternoon, adding more sun to my already somewhat-burned bald-headedness/and not wanting to overheat from the tamoxifen flashes is an asshat. She was truly irritated with my selfish request to have our group sit at some tables in the shade. So pissed that she refused to participate in the conversation – and took out a newspaper to read while some of the group was sharing feelings. And even though we’re told we didn’t cause our kid’s addictions – she made me want to shoot up heroin right then and there! Oh wait. Maybe I just wanted to punch her in the neck. I get those two confused all the time.

Also? What is the deal with that higher power thing? I don’t have a higher power that I can give crap over to. I do, however, now have better words to use, and instead of Letting God, I’m Letting Go.

It’s all about the semantics.

And? Why is it that people who believe in God, and are Christian, have to make sure that we know they are Christian? It’s not enough to believe in God? They need to let us know that those of the Jewish faith are wrong? Are they worried that we might mistake that they don’t believe in Jesus? And that would be a horrible assumption!

Who gives a crap?

I really intensely dislike this kind of arrogance. I prefer my kind of arrogance, thank you. I’m not making you not believe. And I’m not making you say prayers to non-belief. It’s harassment, I tell you. And while I do intend to attend Al-Anon from hereonout, I will not say “god” in the prayer. I will not say the prayer. I don’t believe in higher powers. I do believe that I can’t control the uncontrollable anymore  and that I need the support of a good Al-Anon meeting but I am not doing any of that prayering.

People who believe feel sorry for me. I guess I need to straighten that crap out. I don’t believe in god  – but I do believe in science and facts. Amen.

I wonder how many other people don’t believe but are afraid to speak up for their lack of it? Jesus cripes, people. Do I have to be the poster child for everything? Got chemo? Go bald! Boobs go bad? Get rid of ’em! Got no beliefs? Come out of the confessional. Let others know that they’re not alone!

Go science!

On Wednesday I will be skipping out of the parent’s program and I will, after way too long, be putting myself first. I’m going to the Mall of America for the planting of Amy’s Garden. I get to spend time with Cam (hi Cam!) – Amy’s bestest friend, and Amy’s sisters. I think this will be good for my healing. I can head back to rehab after I participate at Amy’s Garden – and maybe do a little shopping.

I believe in retail.

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14 Comments leave one →
  1. Debby permalink
    October 11, 2010 8:15 pm

    This. This right here is why I love reading you, Kathy. I’m right there with you in the believing thing – as I’ve told people before, I’ll put my faith in my husband, my family and my friends.

  2. October 11, 2010 8:18 pm

    I hope I never have to testify in court because I don’t think I could swear on a Bible. To me, it would be the same as swearing on a copy of Grimm’s Fairy Tales, which actually has more personal meaning to me. I like to think that I’d ask to be sworn in on a copy of the Constitution, because I sure believe in that, but I wonder what the reaction would be.

  3. Gretchen permalink
    October 11, 2010 8:18 pm

    I kind of had the same problem with Al Anon, but it did help me let go of crap I needed to let go of. Dang, all the slogans are coming back to me. Thanks a lot.

  4. Dawn permalink
    October 11, 2010 8:21 pm

    I have neither personal experience with cancer/chemo or chemical addiction within my own immediate family, but my oldest son is a diagnosed paranoid schizophrenic, experience with the mental health craziness, you betcha. Once quite a few years back I attended a 9-week course for families in coping, learning, stress relief, etc., and so on and so forth. Like you, I got mighty tired of the whole turning things over to a higher power. It’s not that I don’t believe — I do, but I don’t like it shoved down my throat and also like you, I don’t think one religion is supreme over another. I cry BS on that. But what got to me most of all during this 9-week course was at the end when they brought in a “recovered” mental health patient who was kind enough and willing to share her experience. Afterwards, I remember the presenter telling us all that there was always “hope for recovery.” Hope for recovery?? Seriously? I Don’t F*Ing Think So. Truly mentally ill people never “recover,” in my opinion. I think the best one can hope for is stability, and at in itself is a day-to-day process.

    Bless you for yet again making me stop and think, Funny Lady. One way or another, even though our circumstances may differ, I can relate.

  5. poolagirl permalink
    October 11, 2010 9:00 pm

    I am struggling with the whole belief thing right now too. I have been told I have no chance for anything because I have not fallen on the ground and taken Jesus as my personal savior. I am doomed to hell, and all the zombies are going to come out of their graves and get me. How can people actually believe this? And how can they want me to believe it? I’m with you. Show me the facts, demonstrate the science. As for the woman who was lacking compassion, she will get it in the ass someday. When she least expects it. It happens all the time. It has happened to me countless times and it will happen to her. Now go out and buy yourself something nice. Get going!

  6. October 11, 2010 9:44 pm

    I hate people that brandish their Christianity around with a superior attitude and there is certainly no place for it in the situation you were in.

  7. kris (lower case) permalink
    October 11, 2010 9:46 pm

    you can actually have faith and still believe in science… believe it or not they aren’t mutually exclusive… and people who shove their beliefs at you are just ass hats… christian or otherwise..

  8. October 11, 2010 9:49 pm

    What a witch she was! Just for the fact that she read the paper while people were expressing their felings! Asshat, indeed!

  9. October 12, 2010 12:26 am

    So much for my insisting that I don’t have the right to direct anyone else’s faith. Except for my kids, of course, for their first twenty years or so.

    Here’s where I become intolerant. If I can manage to live with my own religious convictions and not push them onto anyone else, where does that person have the right to try to change me? The philosophy of being kind to other human beings is a lot more convincing to me than any theology.

    That woman who read a paper rather than act appropriately is no Christian, whatever she calls herself.

  10. October 12, 2010 8:30 am

    as a person with trust issues, my something*anonymous sponsor suggested that i choose my moon as my higher power. it’s always there in some form or another. even when you can’t see it, you can count on it coming back. it’s dependable and it’s predictable.

    it worked for me.

  11. October 12, 2010 8:58 am

    Hey. 12-stepper here with Higher Power suggestions. You don’t have to believe in an actual God to use Good Orderly Direction as a higher power. I know a woman who used a glittery disco ball as her HP and she’s been sober since the 70’s. It’s just knowing (humbly) that the center of the universe is not us. It puts things in perspective and makes our travels in the world less stressful – you know, with the not having to be in charge of everything all the time.

    I know what you mean though, about the Xtians. They get on my last effing nerve with that shit.

  12. October 12, 2010 8:59 pm

    Kathy, I am reading Lit by Mary Karr right now. You might find it interesting. It’s her memoir of the middle of her life, when she’s figuring out she has a problem with alcohol and is struggling with the higher power concept. I really, really like this book, and what she has to say. Highly recommended.

  13. October 13, 2010 3:28 pm

    Okay, so now I’m almost to the end of Lit, and she’s decided to become a Catholic. I didn’t know that when I recommended it. So let me say, I’m not saying you should become a Catholic. But in the middle of the book, when she wants to surrender but just can’t accept the idea of the higher power, it’s very thought-provoking.

  14. Su Chick permalink
    October 13, 2010 8:43 pm

    You are funny and smart.

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