Have I Got an Assignment for You!
I don’t want to get into it now. I’m exhausted. But today was a much better day. The god stuff was set aside and the 12 step program was covered without it. Hallelujah.
And the nasty woman didn’t get under my craw because I was smart enough to keep my distance this time and thankfully, we didn’t break into small groups for discussion.
What I’ve gotten out of this program – the very big thing – is that I am powerless over my son’s addiction. He’s the only one who can manage it. I have been spinning and spinning for years. Hoping to find or say the right thing that will get him to understand that he needs to accept his addiction and do something about it.
He is no longer allowed to control our house. It’s our house. If he wants to live here, he can abide by our rules. He can be an asshole somewhere else. We don’t deserve it.
He will be allowed to live with us if he abides by our rules and treats us with respect. If he can’t do these things, he will be asked to leave. We might allow him to come back if he sincerely apologizes and is willing to abide by our rules and treat us with respect. If he’s allowed back and acts a fool later, he will be asked to leave for a longer period of time. Or perhaps it will have been the final straw that will not allow for come-backs.
I know it will be difficult to kick him out but it hasn’t been easy to be walked on, lied to, stolen from. For years, people. Years.
I will finally allow my network of people in to help me through the difficult times. I’ve been pushing people away for years now. The breast cancer made it necessary for me to let people back in. If it hadn’t been for the breast cancer, I would have been down to no support and no one to talk to. And now that I’m turning my power over to the moon and the sky and the oak tree and kittens and puppies, I don’t have to be responsible for another adult’s choices anymore.
I finally understand that addiction is truly a disease. But that doesn’t give someone the right to refuse to manage their disease and try to make everyone have it, too.
The Big Nugget and I are accused of being assholes. And were I an addict, I’d think the same thing too. If, by asshole, you mean “someone who won’t allow you free reign of their wallet and house,” that’s us.
Instead I like to think of the Big Nugget and I as a Dictatorship. Either way – it’s our rules in our house. You don’t like it? Find your own place to be in charge. That doesn’t mean we don’t love him and we won’t support him if he’s working on disease management. It means that we don’t want to be part of the sickness anymore.
Well then, looks as though I’ve had enough energy to write a little bit about it. It’s also good to get it out here, for my blog readers to read. I’ve kept so much of this to myself. I might have touched on it in the private blog (that I rarely use anymore) but here it is on the real blog.
I won’t go into details. But I will blog about it, sometimes, when I need to. I get the best support from you people. You are now officially one of my Higher Powers. Congratulations!