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The Squirrel Food Factory

October 25, 2010

Seriously, why is there no squirrel-flavored dog food? My dog has got a squirrel jones and she’d pay a premium for that stuff.  Stella Mirra, Retrieved Golden, swallowed her latest squirrel – tail and all, right in front of me again last night.

Squirrel – 0, Stella – 9.

I did everything I could think of in the few moments I had to get that squirrel away from her. Hot dog exchange. Chasing her with a stick. Throwing a plastic bucket at her head (I missed. Damn it.) But that fuckinggoddamnedsonofabitchnogooddog ate it anyway.

Hate. That.

Gross. Ness.

I didn’t want to let her in the house, ever again, but at least until I was sure the digestive juices of her stomach had changed my image of what the squirrel looked like when it went it.

Oh. I’m sorry. Are you squeamish?

Tough! I had to watch the damn dog swallow another stupid squirrel!

I suffer, we all suffer!

Right now she’s outside, honing in on the one remaining squirrel that I’m aware of. Stella Mirra, Hyperactive Retrieved Golden, can sit for hours and stare up into a lilac bush (that’s about the size of a tree, the lilac bush is that old – and pretty unproductive of lilacs any more.) Any other time of day she’s wanting petting,  puppy-rodeoing (a game she plays with Thing 2), using her giant rope as a transitional object when people enter the house, sniffing everybody’s butts, sniffing the floor for crumbs, following me, dragging me for walks, chasing our cats, etc. But that need for squirrel gives her a focus I’ve never seen before.

Oh wait, I have. When we get mice in the house, the cats will sit near where they are, watching and waiting for sudden mouse movement.

Which makes me wonder why there is no mouse-flavored cat food.

I think I found my new career.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. October 25, 2010 12:55 pm

    I would recommend cutting that lilac tree down to the ground. My dad did that, and the darned thing grew again as if we had fed it squirrels.

  2. October 25, 2010 1:56 pm

    Fresh squirrel has got to be healthier than any commercial dog food could ever be!

  3. October 25, 2010 2:06 pm

    Well…..I think the squirrels must be awfully stupid. Just sayin.

  4. October 25, 2010 8:37 pm

    OMG! I have never seen a dog eat anything that was alive. Yeah, that would totally freak me out!

  5. kris (lower case) permalink
    October 25, 2010 10:58 pm

    obviously your dog wants to be fed raw… and she is supplying her own food… think of the money you are saving. and yes…live squirrel is WAY healthier than any kibble you can buy.

  6. Jean permalink
    October 26, 2010 1:03 pm

    I’m calling PETA!!!!

  7. October 27, 2010 11:15 am

    Could you rent her to me for a while? The nasty little big tailed rats are taking all the pecans from out tree before we even have a chance. I would pay big time for that wonderful puppy!!

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