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The Cataract Factory

November 22, 2010

Laurelie – I’ve made Ina Garten’s corn pudding before. It’s awesome. I haven’t made the roasted winter vegetables before but how can they go wrong, right?

I feel bad for you guys who don’t have a family that you enjoy during the holidays. I LOVE my family. We’re loud and we have a lot of fun and there are oodles of babies to squosh! It’s a bit different with the in-laws. Not so much of any of those things.

And it helps that my relatives live in town so we pop in for a couple of hours and pop out when we’ve had enough. You can’t do that with a three-hour drive.

I still think that some of my favorite holiday meals, though, were when I was banished from the family for two years and had to participate in some really creative friend gatherings. (I was banished because my first husband was black and my mother wanted nothing to do with me.  She’s a precious one, my mother.)

Speaking of my mother, I had to get up at 5:45 this morning and so I could get her to the hospital for her first, of two, cataract surgeries. I don’t think I slept more than a few hours last night because I kept worrying that I hadn’t set the alarm clock. I must have looked at that damned alarm clock every hour on the hour.

Dudes, you should become cataract surgeons. It was like a fricking eye surgery factory at the eye surgery center today. One old person after another, after another, after another. The surgery itself took about 10 minutes and my mom had very little discomfort afterwards. She didn’t even realize the surgery was going on.

I had to run and fetch the car and pick mom up at a door when she was done. I got up to the automatic parking ramp teller (you know how they’re all computerized now?) only to find that it was broken, and there was no sign to warn me about it. Lo and behold, a line of cars had formed behind me. I put my car in reverse, hoping they’d read my mind but, no, there was no common sense to be found. So I had to get out of my car and run to the five cars behind me. They all seemed to be pissed at me. Like I’d broken the stupid machine. And then, when I got them to back up, one of them tried to cut me off and beat me to the other parking exit. Jesus! What a bitch!

I hate it when technology slows us down!

I got mom home and then I had to get her to stop trying to do stuff around the house. “Mom! If you bend over one more time that new lens is going to pop out of your eyeball! Do you want that to happen?!” She finally went and took a nap. While I watched really bad reality t.v. It’s just something a person has to do when spending time at my mom’s house. Bad reality t.v. or spooky movies.

My sister’s spending the night with mom but she probably doesn’t have to. Mom seems to be doing pretty well. If she’d stay still.

Oh! I did one other thing when hanging out at mom’s today. I ran next door to visit mom’s neighbors. You remember, Terry, who’s always showing me her boobs? Tomorrow she’s going back to our plastic surgeon because she’s having trouble with her implants. One is shifting and the other one might have an infection. I’m really glad I didn’t get those fuckers put in. Enough is enough.

K-Lo out.


5 Comments leave one →
  1. November 22, 2010 7:49 pm

    They shouldn’t have done that to you. When I had my cataract surgeries, I was allowed to have a companion, and the optical place picked us up and drove us to the center. (‘Cause it’s in the next town, not where I go for checkups.)

    Old? I was 97. The surgery worked great. When you take her to have the patch taken off, make sure the doctor reminds your mom to wear her sunglasses and not to get water in her eye. If you tell her, I suspect she won’t listen.

    On the bright side, she may be a lot more tractable when she discovers she can see better. Good luck. 8)

  2. November 22, 2010 8:28 pm

    Times have changed since ’97. There is no eye patch. She’s bald-eyeballed and can drive tomorrow!

  3. Gretchen permalink
    November 23, 2010 3:22 pm

    I do enjoy my family at the holidays, but they are a 3+ hr drive away and we always have to find someplace for the dog(s) to go when we travel. And we’ve had an extended illness during the winter and 2 deaths in the family, and a high school graduation that stretched over a 3-day weekend this year. Plus multiple trips back up to get my dad’s house ready to go on the market and sold. So I’m tired of the traveling and making arrangements, but I will miss seeing everybody on the holidays.

  4. Laurelie permalink
    November 24, 2010 10:31 am

    Yum…what recipe book is the corn pudding in? I’m excited to get her new cookbook for Christmas!

    • November 24, 2010 11:54 am

      Laurelie – It’s page 128 in her Family Style Cookbook. I didn’t know she had a new cookbook!

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