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A Toast To Mom

December 6, 2010

Mom’s second eyeball surgery went as well as the first. Better, because we were pros at getting her there and getting her home.

“You should do this again, mom. We’ve got it down! Do you have a third eyeball anywhere? On the back of your head maybe?”

“I’ve got one on my butt,” mom said.

God. We are five.

“Are you going to get excited about your toast this time?”

“What?” she asked.

“You were so excited about the toast they gave you after your last surgery. ‘I love this toast! This is the best toast! Would you like some of my toast? It’s delicious!'”

“I did?” she asked.

This time she also thought the toast was the tastiest toast she’d ever eaten. But she was aware of her love for the toast so kept it to a minimum of toast-honoring.

Oh! I just remembered that before she went in for surgery today, one of the nurses (an old friend of mom’s from her nursing days – as are 3 more of the nurses at this eye surgery center) opened a safe across from where we were sitting…

“What are you getting?” mom asked her.

“Drugs,” her nurse/friend said.

“Bread?” mom asked.

“Mom’s got a thing for your toast here,” I said. “She’s a carb addict! Good thing you keep the bread in a safe!”

Seriously. We are five.

Well, I am.

If you need cataract surgery but have been putting it off because you are a big chicken, be chicken no more. It’s nothing. This time she was awake during the surgery and had no problem with it whatsoever.

Not five minutes after I got her home, her nosy neighbor called to check on her. She did it after the first surgery, too. And her phone calls are so in tune with our arrival, I’m suspecting that she’s either counting to 60, 5 times or she sets a timer for 5 minutes.

The last time I spoke with her for a few seconds and then handed the phone over to mom. This time mom wanted me to tell her that she was going to bed, so I did. And then I spent the next half hour on the phone with her because I’d just found out that she has non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma and was starting chemo at the end of this month. And she was scared. So I did my best to put her at ease*. But I didn’t let her think that chemo was a party. I just told her that she would get through it, be emotionally exhausted, and thankful once it’s done. She was so thankful that I felt kind of guilty for how much she bugs me with her Gladys Kravitz ways. But hey, even obnoxious people get cancer. Right?

And that, peoples, is all I’ve got for now.

*I lost some friends during my battle with cancer because they couldn’t “handle” dealing with it. For whatever reason. And for awhile, I was sympathetic to their shortcomings. However, I came to the conclusion that their weakness was so self-centered that they were not the friends for me. And talking with Nosy Neighbor today, I can’t help but wonder how anyone can walk away from a friend who’s going through a difficult time. Especially when they’ve been given (rather forcefully) the knowledge that can help another person have less stress. I am deeply disappointed in the chicken people who used to be my friends. They are no longer welcome here. In my life or on my blog.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. poolagirl permalink
    December 6, 2010 3:51 pm

    You guys are a hoot. Eyeballs on your butt! Better check!

  2. jeanniekay permalink
    December 7, 2010 9:33 am

    That’s why I send you presents – so you keep the welcome mat out for me!!

    Hmmmm. Eyeballs on your butt….how would you put on mascara?

  3. Leslie permalink
    December 7, 2010 1:10 pm

    You and your mom are the funniest team since I don’t know when. Thanks for making me laugh today. Also – I love love love the banner!

  4. Lynn permalink
    December 8, 2010 10:56 pm

    You look beautiful!!

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