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Acknowledge Me!

December 20, 2010

1. I made these yesterday. Man! They’re awesome. Probably has something to do with the sweetened condensed milk in them. I believe they will now be a part of my Christmas Cookies & Bars tradition. Along with my grandma’s Honey Jumbles, the Red Velvet Whoopie Pies with Peppermint Filling, Molasses Kringles, Buckeyes, Caramel Bars and Butter Cookies. I might get around to making some biscotti and another new cookie: Melt-In-Your-Mouth Pumpkin cookies. We’ll see how much cleaning I get done first.

2. I have a confession to make. I did not know that the song, Runaway Train, was Soul Asylum. I always thought it was Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers. God! What a doofus! I’m glad I got that off my chest. I’ve been holding that in since Friday and it’s been tearing me apart! You’d think I’d know better about a Minnesota band. I’m not local-music loyal. I don’t even own any Prince albums. Even though I met him when he was filming Purple Rain.  Shook his wee little hand, I did. Itty Bitty Prince. The Big Nugget was schooling me in local bands. Soul Asylum, The Replacements, Husker Du, The Suburbs. Go ahead. Ask me some questions. I won’t have answers for you but you can at least show off your Minneapolis Music Knowledge.

3. We just discovered that my sister isn’t hosting Christmas Day. Well, I just found out. Apparently almost every one else in my family was aware and apparently none of them want to host it so the subject got dropped. That ain’t right for an extrovert like me. I don’t want to sit in my house with my family, doing nothing. And I don’t want to go to movies. So we’ve invited the Big Nugget’s parents and sister down for Christmas Day. Not having a clue what to make, I stole Jean’s idea for a prime rib. Pricey but guaranteed satisfaction. And they can’t be easier to make. Thanks Jean!

4. That thing I got frozen nitrogened from my face is healing as slowly as my hair is coming back in. People don’t want to hug me. Awesome.

5. Speaking of people, it’s weird, when I run into people and I’m not sure if they know about my cancer or not. I ran into an acquaintance at Target this morning and we chatted for a bit. I didn’t bring up my cancer. I figure she either knew or would suspect seeing as how my huge boobs are gone and my hair is the shittiest growing back hair in the history of post-chemo-returning hair. I’ve been going through this a lot lately. At parties, where I’m seeing people I haven’t seen in a year or two, I’m not sure what they know and I’m not that keen in rehashing it all for them. So when people ask me how I’m doing, I assume/pretend it’s just the polite inquiry. Not the genuine concern. What I really like is when people know that I had cancer, they tell me that they heard about my cancer. Then they get a sincere reply and not the standard, “I’m good, how about you?” Today’s run-in at Target was a nice, genuine, conversation. She told me she’d heard about my illness and asked how I was doing. I didn’t drag her through what I dragged you guys through, in my blog, but I told her that it was a really shitty thing, filled with an emotional and physical roller coaster, but that I’m emotionally and physically in a much better place. It was nice to be acknowledged. I think it’s weird when I run into people that I’ve known for years, and know that they must know about me because we have friend(s) in common, and they don’t address it at all. That’s weird. But it’s also indicative of their personalities. Other people’s personalities are very spotlighted during someone else’s trials and tribulations.

I didn’t mean to go there, but I went there. Here’s the thing, it’s pretty cool how people’s personalities show through when this happened to me. People deal with my cancer in so many ways.

One friend, who I hadn’t seen for awhile, was all about wanting to pet my fluffy hair (I’d offered it up in the first place) and now when she sees me, it’s her thing. And the thing is, I like that. It’s our thing – my floofy head.

Another friend, who I hadn’t seen for awhile said to me, “Don’t you fucking die on me!” Blunt. Direct. Just like her.

And the friends that I haven’t seen for a while, who don’t outright address it? At first I was kind of offended. I mean, c’mon, I just went through hell. Acknowledge my wonderment! But when I think about who those particular people are, they aren’t going to address it with me because they just don’t address anything serious with me. And that’s okay because that’s not the kind of relationship we have anyway. Besides, the people I’m running into at parties and in Target, that I haven’t run into for awhile, aren’t the close friends who supported me through the tough parts anyway. So it’s okay. Just weird. Which pretty much sums up the whole cancer thing. It’s just frickin’ weird.

Okay then. Snow’s falling. I’m going to get to cleaning so I can have more time for more baking because my name is Kitschin Logic, and I am a Christmas baking addict.

5 Comments leave one →
  1. poolagirl permalink
    December 20, 2010 2:25 pm

    Come to my house and bake. I have to make lemon bars for Christmas and I am freaking out!

  2. Jane permalink
    December 20, 2010 3:43 pm

    I thought Runaway Train was Tom Petty too. Now when I want to refer to that song and I can’t remember the name I say to my husb, “What’s that song everybody thinks is Tom Petty but it’s not?” and he knows exactly what I’m talking about.

  3. December 20, 2010 4:21 pm

    And then isn’t there also this thing where you (the person dealing with or who just dealt with cancer) are sick and tired of talking about cancer and just want to talk about Anything But?
    Man, is there really a best way to be or a right thing to say? It does get confusing for those of us who haven’t had cancer. You know? So not only do cancer patients have to go through all the shit, but they should wear a sign that helps us non-cancer-patient friends and acquaintances know what they want or need so we can give it to them at that particular moment. Because most of us would try, if we only knew.
    Just one more thing to weigh you down with, right? So I must be wrong, because of course that can’t be your responsibility on top of everything else. Seriously. Like you say, it’s just frickin’ weird.

  4. December 21, 2010 11:22 am

    You are killing me with the recipes! Unfortunately, they involve baking, and I hate to bake so I won’t get to sample the yummy goodness. 😦

  5. December 30, 2010 10:27 pm

    I cannot BELIEVE you did not know that Runaway Train was by Soul Asylum. It can’t POSSIBLY be Tom Petty because the lead singer of Soul Asylum isn’t quite gritty enough in his voice. Geez. CLEARLY you were not in high school in the 90s like the rest of us.


    Sorry for posting this NOW, versus when you posted this, but I have been horrifically bad about checking my Google Reader. Also, I do hope that were you my friend in real life, I would be one of those people who checked up on you as you went on this cancer journey. I would hope I would have been that thoughtful. I realize that these two things are not similar in any way, but I’m kind of surprised at how few people stop to ask me how I’m doing with my husband gone. In fact, I think only one person has asked me. It would be nice to be asked. But I think you bring up a good point about how one doesn’t have a deep sort of friendship with just everyone she knows. For the record, I think you are amazing for everything you’ve been through,with all the shit that’s been thrown at you in the midst of this fight for your very life, and you’re still laughing and joking and trying to enjoy yourself. You’re really an inspiration, Kathy. I mean it.

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